Growing and learning...

With my grandma’s passing last weekend I have been doing A LOT of thinking…… about life, motherhood, family, marriage, faith, but mostly about Lexy. I feel scared and sad for her. She has had way too much trauma and pain in her short little life, and even now as hard as I try to protect her, it seems I haven’t been able too. I felt confident and secure in her placement for preschool, but I was wrong. She is misunderstood, and picked on by the other children. I had only become aware of the situation after Christmas break, when I had a conference with her teacher. At this time (for the first time since she has been at this school) her teacher informed me that Lexy’s behaviors had isolated her from the other children in the class. She must have seen the surprise on my face when she told me this, because her response to me was “you had to have known” well I didn’t! I guess parents are the last to know. In our home and in other social situations with other children this has not been an issue. We have been fully aware of her being “overly affectionate” (or sensory seeking), her speech delays, and other learning (processing issues), but nothing we would have ever thought that would make her not accepted in a classroom. She seems so loveable to us. We have worked closely with a therapy group since day one of Lexy moving into our home. Lexy receives speech (from a very seasoned, bright pathologist, twice a week), did pre-k boot camp (through the therapy center), and has received occupational therapy. We have worked very hard to be proactive and aware of Lexy’s behaviors and needs. Next Monty started noticing that she did not like going to school, and when she would walk into the classroom she would get as far away from her classmates as possible. I reached out to my resources (talked with my mom and other seasoned teacher and mom friends) and asked her therapist to observe her in the classroom. She also felt Lexy was not herself. There have been several other incidents including her not getting her juice we pack in her lunch, because she does not ask for it to be opened in the first 5 minutes of lunch time…. the Easter egg hunt fiasco, and other interactions observed. Monty and I have decided to allow her to finish out the last couple weeks at this school. The administration has shown concern and promised to stay close to her during her final days there. Then we have decided that I will home school her next year. This is an exciting, scary new adventure for us. Since her birthday is August 25 just before the cut off of September 1, we sort of have a free year to give it a try. I have just learned of the k12 program with the public school that provides all resources, curriculum, books, and even a teacher to monitor her (our) progress. I think the structure of this program will be helpful for both of us. Her therapy group (which has been our life saver) is also on board to help with curriculum, evaluations, and any other needs we may have.

Lexy is not hard to understand, not for me (and Monty) anyway, maybe it’s because I am her mom. She is affectionate, lovable, kind, silly, funny, stubborn, smart and amazing!! She needs structure, love and understanding. She sometimes needs a little more time to process than other children, but she is bright and as capable as any other child her age. Monty and I have discussed at length with each other, and professionals, and believe in our hearts that we are making the best decision for Lexy. It may not be easy for me, but I am honestly trying to go into it with eyes wide open, and hoping to learn right along with my daughter.

I welcome any resources that anyone knows of. We will also be looking to set up play dates!! I have such a wonderful network of diverse and seasoned parents, I look forward to any ideas and suggestions you may have. Any prayers, or good energy that you can send in our direction would also be greatly appreciated!!

2009 Christmas letter

Dear Friends and Family,

Rayne brought in the year turning one. We had a small family gathering at the house, where Rayne had his first taste of cake. It was not love at first taste, but he has grown extremely fond of it as the year progressed. He seems to have done everything incredibly early. He walks, talks, sings, climbs, jumps, flips, marches, runs, and is into everything. It feels like we skipped a lot of stages; however separation anxiety is not one of those. He does not like to be away from me, and honestly I am not that crazy about it either. He has remained big and healthy at all of his check ups, staying in the top 90 percent. He is smart, handsome, healthy, happy and oh so busy.

Lexy is in VPK this year and goes three half days a week. She is going to a very small school in the church we got married in. They are patient and structured with her. She still seems to be struggling to keep up with the other kids in her class in several areas. Lexy continues to work with the amazing therapy group that we have had her in since we got her. She gets speech twice a week and OT, when there is an occupational therapist available. Since her birthday is in August we are talking with her teachers and therapists about waiting an extra year to start her in kindergarten. She is big for her age, but it may be more important that she have the extra year to mature and catch up developmentally. She has also started tumbling and loves it. She is not always graceful, but according to her coaches the strongest one in her class, not a big surprise to us. Her 4th birthday party was a big hit. She had a princess themed party at our local indoor play place. Grandma lavished her with a real Cinderella dress, and tiara and decorated her princess birthday cake to look just like her. She is beautiful, funny, thoughtful, affectionate, and stubborn. We are so proud of her.

Gary Consulting has stayed steady. Monty has brought a few more contractors on board. His business is good and continues growing. He has a really great group of clients, many of whom have become friends. They show so much love and support for our family, and we are grateful.

Mike Jr. and I have started making some green arts and crafts. We are trying everything from belts, to fishing lures, and all from recycled products. I have been gathering people’s trash everywhere I go, even Lexy’s school is helping collect stuff for some of our projects. Our kids enjoy recycling, reusing and buying used. They don’t understand the full impact of their simple actions yet, but are like doing it. I was hoping to have enough stuff made to set up at a few craft shows over the holidays, but we have just been too busy. I love spending time and sharing these projects with my brother. We are not planning on getting rich, but we are having fun with it.

We are still a licensed foster home though we have only done respite a few times to help out other foster parents. Our schedule stays pretty full, but we have decided to stay licensed and connected. We don’t want to take on too much, but we are not ready to give it up. We desperately want to help more foster children. We are still finding our family balance and are taking everyday as it comes. We are proud parents and love our family time!

Wishing you peace, love and joy in 2010!
Merry Christmas! HUGS!!
Monty, Amanda, Lexy and Rayne Gary

Family News

Rayne turned one on February 3 and we had a small family gathering. He had his first taste of cake and icing. He wanted nothing to do with either; he even gagged at the taste of them. Monty has requested a DNA test, because he said there is now way his son doesn’t like cake. Everything went great at his one year check up. He is still at the top of the charts in height, weight and head. She was also very pleased with his development once again. He can say lots of words now. It is so fun to watch him grow….he learns something new everyday.

Lexy is still doing great in school. She has a new teacher that is very structured and focused on preparing them for preschool. Lexy does very well in a structured environment. She is still facing some challenges with some speech, sensory and behavioral issue. She is still going to speech therapy weekly and we have just started her in occupational therapy weekly as well. We are hoping it will help her have better body awareness and get on top of some of her impulse control issues. It has been brought to our attention that she needs to be tested for lead. We are also going to schedule some neurological testing, because of a tremor in her hands. We just want make sure there is no permanent damage from her injuries. With all that being said she is doing exceptionally well. She is happy little girl, that loves to help everyone. She loves her little brother and is also making big accomplishments everyday. It is also a joy to watch her grow and learn.

Monty and I are doing great too. We survived our first year with two children. I think it has taken me the entire year to find some balance, but I finally feel like I have my head above water. Don’t get me wrong I still face new challenges everyday, and it is not easy. I just have a little better handle on it. We did re-license our home and are ready to take foster children on a short term basis. Thankfully there are not many children coming into care right and they do not need us.


Hope all is great with all of you!

Rayne's 1 year old update

Rayne turned one on February 3 and we had a small family gathering.  He had his first taste of cake and icing.   He wanted nothing to do with either; he even gagged at the taste of them.   Monty has requested a DNA test, because he said there is now way his son doesn’t like cake.   Everything went great at his one year check up.  He is still at the top of the charts in height, weight and head.  She was also very pleased with his development once again.  He can say lots of words now.  It is so fun to watch him grow….he learns something new everyday.

Lexy is still doing great in school.  She has a new teacher that is very structured and focused on preparing them for preschool.  Lexy does very well in a structured environment.  She is still facing some challenges with some speech, sensory and behavioral issue.  She is still going to speech therapy weekly and we have just started her in occupational therapy weekly as well.  We are hoping it will help her have better body awareness and get on top of some of her impulse control issues.  It has been brought to our attention that she needs to be tested for lead.  We are also going to schedule some neurological testing, because of a tremor in her hands.  We just want make sure there is no permanent damage from her injuries.  With all that being said she is doing exceptionally well.   She is happy little girl, that loves to help everyone.  She loves her little brother and is also making big accomplishments everyday.  It is also a joy to watch her grow and learn.

Monty and I are doing great too. We survived our first year with two children.  I think it has taken me the entire year to find a balance, but I finally feel like I have my head above water.  Don’t get me wrong I still face new challenges everyday, and it is not easy.  I just have a little better handle on it.  We did re-license our home and are ready to take foster children on a short term basis, until we can get a larger home.  Thankfully there are not many children coming into care right and they do not need us.

2008 Christmas letter

Dear Friends and Family,

Life just keeps getting better and better………

The year began with the birth of our healthy baby boy.  Rayne Michael Gary was born on February 3, four days before his due date and not a moment to soon. Rayne was 7 lbs 12 oz, handsome, healthy, and demanding.  He has stayed in the 95% in height and weight.   He brings us so much joy and stress.   He began walking at 8 ½ months old.  He is all boy and into everything.

Last year in March on my birthday I had no children and this year I had a newborn and a two year old to care for.  No time to feeling sorry for myself this year! 

We decided to stay in our home in Riverview, and list our St. Harbor house. Thankfully it sold in the beginning of June.  The computer business has been a bit slower this year as with everything.  I am staying home with the kids for now, and will probably go back to work when Lexy starts school.

The year ended with the adoption of Lexy.  Alexis Rose Gary was made a forever member of our family on (National Adoption Day) November 21.  We have considered Alexis our daughter since the day she came into our home, and now we have peace that she will always be our daughter.  She continues to have “stuff” that we have to learn how to handle, but we feel overjoyed to be the ones that get to take care of her everyday.

We have decided to stay a licensed foster home.  We are going try out taking emergency short term placements.  We are not ready for another long term or permanent placements, but we also weren’t ready to close our home.  Our plate is pretty full now so, we will just take it one day at a time and see what we can handle.

2008 has been an amazing year for our family.  We have been showered in blessings.   I can’t wait to see what 2009 has in store!

                                                    Peace, Love and Family!!

Hugs, Monty, Amanda, Lexy and Rayne Gary

Adoption Day

Today was our big day.  It's official we adopted Lexy.  She is now Alexis Rose Gary.  It was national adoption day and there was alot of festivities.  It was a joyous day for lots of families, and I felt honored to be a part of it.  I think Lexy was most excited about the new hair cut and dress she got for the occasion.  She kept telling people she was going to be "dotdid" and be a princess, she even told the judge that. For some reason she thought after she was adopted she was going to be a princess.  I guess in a way she is, she is our princess.

I can not put into words the weight that has been lifted off of us to know that Lexy is a FOREVER member of our family.  We have been her mom and dad since the day she came into our home and the fear I felt of having our child taken away is the scariest thing I have ever felt, and that fear is gone.  I have wonderful peace.  I even feel more prepared to handle some of the difficult behaviors she has been showing.

Alexis also had her Thanksgiving feast and her class preformed a song for the parents.  She wore her pilgrim hat and vest she made in class.  She was in the very front row and I think she sang the loudest of all of them.  In the chorus of the song the kids put their hands to their mouth shouted " Thank you Lord"!  I felt filled with emotion, I too wanted to shout THANK YOU LORD!!  Our prayers have been answered.  

Rayne also had his 9 month check up on Wednesday and had been walking for three weeks prior to it. He is now running! The Dr. was super impressed by his development and growth.  He is still in the 90 percent on height and weight, and right on track with the other tests.  He is a pretty happy boy, rotten but happy.  He loves music and dances and claps when he hears it.  He also loves to hear his daddy sing and bangs on the guitar while he is playing.  I feel certain that he is going to be a guitar player like Monty.

We are so blessed.  I can not thank everyone enough for all of the reference checks, fingerprinting, thoughts, prayers and continual support through this journey.  We are dancing in the light at the end of the tunnel.  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  I love you all.

Hugs,

Amanda (Monty, Alexis, and Rayne)

October 14, 2008

Everything with the adoption is going smoothly so far.  We have been busy getting our paper work completed, making sure our cats are up to date on shots, scheduling physicals on everyone in the family, and so on.  Our goal with our worker is to adopt Lexy on national adoption day which is November 15.  It is a big deal to adopt on this day, because the media comes, and they have some festivities.

Lexy has started in her new preschool.  She only attends part-time on M-W-F in the mornings.  I think she likes it.  She has had a little trouble getting back in the swing of the classroom and listening, but her teacher seems to enjoy having her and is working with her.  The last behavior that she was working on with Lexy was to get her to stop kissing everyone.....ha ha ha.  She is so affectionate, it hurts (literally it does).  She wants to love everyone to death, but I will take that over biting and pushing any day. 

Rayne is doing great too.  He is a monster, but he is so fun!!  He turned 8 months on the 3rd. He is into everything.  He gets himself stuck on, in, or under furniture several times a day.  He has been free standing for weeks, and tonight he took his first two unassisted steps. Clearly...  he is a genius!  He has four teeth and has just cut two more.

Mom and I have be brainstorming Halloween costumes, just when we though we had it figured out Lexy announced she wanted to be a butterfly instead of a princess.  She will be a butterfly and Rayne will be a caterpillar

Monty and I are great too!  He hasn't gone out for that pack of cigarettes, that he keeps telling people he is going to do.  As I say in every family update, we are still trying to balance it all, but we will probably be doing that until our kids move out. 

September 10, 2008

Update time again ...Lexy turned 3 on August 25^th and we had a garden birthday party for her at our neighborhood clubhouse.  We invited all of the kids from her summer pre-k boot camp.   We had a bug hunt, ate dirt desert, and played in the sprinkler. Everyone seemed to enjoy the party and thanks to the support of my family and Jackie it went off with out a hitch.  

Monty and I decided that Lexy really needs more peer interaction and decide to start her in a new preschool this year at the church we got married in.  She will go M-W-F from 8:30am – 12:30pm.  She just started today and the teacher seemed excited for her to start, she was particularly happy that she is potty trained.  It is hard for me to give up control and trust that others will love her as much as I do.  That not because I have it all figured out by all means, just that I love her so much.  I do know that it will be good for her and me both.  I will keep you posted, today is her first day.  Let's hope that she can keep her hands and teeth to herself. 

The adoption process is going well, no word from her biological father, so he has sealed his own fate.  We have begun the paperwork as some of you know because you have received references in the mail.  The worker seems to believe she will be adopted by Christmas if not before.  Our family could not ask for a better Christmas present!!  She has been our daughter since the day she came into our home and we can not wait to make it official.  She continues to take speech therapy twice a week and continues to make progress.

Rayne is still big and healthy he is cut teeth on the top and the bottom.  He is crawling all over the place and is standing and pulling up on furniture.  He is into everything!!!  I have to drag him out of the cat food about 5 times a day.  He is spoiled rotten! The Dr. believes he is going through early separation anxiety…..I know I know it sounds funny.  She said all babies go through it, but it doesn't usually happen until they are around one, she believes he is a little a head of the game developmentally and that may be why we are going through it now.  She said it usually last about two months, not a moment too soon J

August 7,2008

Rayne had his 6 month check up today and he weighted 20.6 lb.  He is still in 95% on weight and off the charts on height.  She seems to think he is ahead of the curve developmentally and was very pleased with his progress.  He is starting to crawl and get in to everything that is on the floor. He has cut his two bottom teeth.  He has two more just starting to break through another on the bottom and one on the top. He has had a runny nose and a hard time sleeping the last couple and the doctor thinks this could be because of his teeth. He is starting baby food and seems to enjoy it.  He really likes to eat in whatever form it comes in.  We have not run into anything he doesn't like yet.

Alexis is such a loving big sister, she knows what Rayne needs and is not afraid to tell you.  She has showed almost no signs of jealousy, and has never tried to intentionally hurt him.  She is enjoying preschool, and is dealing with the usual two year old stuff.  She has made huge strides in her speech the last few months, and has even learned how to "talk back".  She continues to be a little stubborn, but amazes us at how affectionate and in tune with others feelings she is. 

We were given the adoption home study to complete and assigned a new adoption case manager.  Tim (her bio father) is passed his 30 days appeal period.  The worker told us there is always the possibility that it wasn't correctly sent to the Attorney General's office, and as of right now it is not on appeal but to give it a little bit to make sure.  It still could be several months before the adoption is finalized, but we can handle that.  It has been a long journey and we are almost there.

I have begun planning Lexy's 3rd birthday party, and of course I am as excited as she is about it.  We are having a garden party with flowers and of course lots bugs!!  We are inviting her preschool friends.

The Gary home is full and happy, and still a little overwhelming at times.  We feel incredible blessed to have such healthy and BEAUTIFUL children.  Oh yeah and that once in a life time love we found.

Another update

We have made it past the 10 days that Alexis bio father had to prove that he was in fact having car trouble.  He has made no contact with the case worker, so they are moving towards terminating his rights and towards adoption for us.  This is WONDERFUL news for our family.  He still has the 30 days to appeal the termination, but is is my understanding that very few parents actually fight this and if they do it is extremely hard to turn over.  Yippee!!  We feel a huge weight off our shoulders and can not wait for it to be over.

Lexy is doing great in her pre-k boot camp, she is starting to try to make sentences.  It seems like she learns to say a new word everyday, and we are actually able to understand most of them now.  She is also doing great with potty training.  She still has accidents every now and then, but we feel we are on the home stretch.  She continues to be affectionate, sweet and stubborn, she may have learned that since she has been in our home.     We feel so blessed to be in her life and grow and learn with her.  She is an amazing little girl.

Rayne is still growing like a weed.  He was 19 lbs at his last Dr. appointment.  He stills seems to be satisfied with breastfeeding, so we are going to keep it up as long as we can.  He has grown in to a happy content little boy.  He may be a little spoiled to his mama, but much more laid back than we thought he would be.

Monty's home is St. Harbor sold and that is a tremendous load off.  We (Monty) no longer has to make the trips over there to maintain it.  Monty also bought a (newer) car, he got a VW Jetta wagon and is really enjoying driving it.

We are happy and healthy and thankful to have such a wonderful family and friends.