Rough week!!

Rayne survived the worst virus he has had in his short little life.  It was 7 days of high fevers, rashes, vomiting, waking up screaming in the middle of the night saying his head hurt and just feeling awful.  It would not have been so bad if the duration was not so long and everyday a new symptom had not occurred.  I am thankful he is feeling better and am praying that the rest of us stay healthy.

In the throws of the illnesses, the mishaps with Harry, and my car (the only one that will hold all three car seats) started acting up and needed to be towed to the shop. I decided to reach out to my FDS worker for an understanding ear.  She was concerned with the length of stay that he has been here.  We are only a short term home and kids should not be sleeping in a pack and play on a long term basis, she was alarmed about the incidents of his last visit/doctors appointment and believes they are asking too much of our family.  She found out that the placement where his 4 year old sister is can likely take him early next week. This means he will be with his sister for now and my hope would be that when his sister moves in with his step dad that the 1 month old sister would be able to move in to his place in the foster home with Harry.  I really don’t want him to bounce again if it is at all possible.  I have to trust that everything happens for a reason.

I have been talking to the kids about it, and they are anticipation him leaving already.  The longer he stays the harder it is going to be on all of us.  He is so well adjusted now! He is colorful, happy, noisy and has the sweetest little personality!!  He is loveable and so well behaved.  It did not take him long to fall right into our family routine.  I do however feel the need to put on my own life vest and the recent events, health issues and lack of support has left me exhausted and an emotional wreck.  My joints ache, I am back to running fevers almost every day, and am covered in rashes.  My body is giving me the signs that I am pushing it too hard and I need to listen.

I will know more Monday about what is going to happen with our brother from another mother.  Please send him love and light and keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Disappointed but not surprised

Harry has been sick since he came to our home going on three weeks ago.  I have had him at the doctor three times (once at the urgent care on Sunday afternoon). He was referred to a pulmonary specialist.  I am exhausted from trying to get him well (not to mention Rayne man is sick too) between doctor visit and treatments every 4 hour through the night I decided to reach out to his case worker for help with this appointment.  He was picked up yesterday morning at 8am for the doctors appointment and two hour family visit following (since the family had court that morning as well).  I spent several hours the night before preparing him for his long day.  I typed up all his medical issues and medications he was taking on a time line so it would be easy for the doctor to see how his condition has progressed.  I printed labels that said peanut allergy and put them on everything they would stick to including his sippy cup.  He wore a peanut allergy bracelet that I ordered special for him.  I made a separate sheet for the workers that listed the medications and time they should be given one was an antibiotic that I put on ice because it had to be refrigerated.  Packed a peanut free lunch and snacks, so all his needs could easily be met.  He was picked up at 8am I went over with his worker the details of his day and the content of his bags.  She texted me at 3pm the time he was suppose to be bringing him home saying that her coworker was taking him to the ER because someone gave him a peanut butter cracker.

He arrived home at 7:30pm and thankfully he did not have a reaction.  He had not been given any of his medications or dinner.  None of the food was touched in his bag (his family brought lunch) so he easily could have been given some of his packed lunch or a snack while he was waiting in the ER.  I had to throw away the dose of antibiotic because it was now warm, and he had a new stack of prescriptions that needed to be filled, but no further instructions.  I quickly gave him dinner and his medication.  I piled all the kids in the car (now 8pm) and went to get the new medication he needed before he went to bed.  We have a wonderful pharmacist that is familiar with our family they were all filled in 15 minutes.  Came home cleaned up and got ready for bed after a tough day for our baby.

While Harry was off being neglected by they system, I took Rayne to his doctor because he was on his third day of a fever and the night before it spiked to 103.6.  He is very sad when he is sick, usually a very active boy he goes down for the count.  He was shivering, moaning and kept saying I need something, but did not know what.  He said to me “Mama you better stop touching me or you will get sick”  I told him it’s okay and that I wanted to take care of him and make him feel better, he replied “if you get sick then I will take care of you”.  He also brought a lollipop to give to his doctor so she could give it to another child that was not feeling well.  He does random acts of kindness without a thought.  Turns out it is just a fever virus and usually last between 5-7 days.  His doctor suggested no medications during the day (when he feels better) to allow the fever to fight the virus, then to give him fever reducers at bedtime to keep him from feeling so badly.  I also have been loading him up with proibitocs and vitamins to help fight it.  Last night it worked great and everyone got a good night sleep.  He seems better today, but I have decided not to take his temperature during the day as long as he is acting well… It only makes me worry.  Too bad I have to play these mind games with myself. J He started feeling bad this evening, his temperature was back up so I gave him some mortin and he is sleeping well now. 

It’s been a long couple weeks, but I am still glad we took Harry in as a placement.  Monty asked me last night if I was “surprised” that the system fails our kids.  I am not surprised but I am always disappointed.  The “system” of care is made up of people individuals that have choose to do what they do.  I am always hopeful that they put our children first.

During court yesterday they determined that the father of the older 5 is working very hard on getting custody of the 6 oldest, and there seems to be no reason why this won’t happen.  That only leaves Harry and his 1month old sibling.  There is a prospective family member that they are running emergency backgrounds on and we should know something by Friday.  If not the children will need to be placed in a foster home together.

When I called our FDS worker (that licenses our home, monitors us for safety and support us) to report the incidents from the day before, she asked if I wanted her to call placement and have him moved. I told her no that I could see it through.  It is so sad, and not his fault for being sick or the dysfunction of the system.  I am exhausted and will take a break after our little guy is placed safely in his long term placement hoepfully with some of his family.

Saving one child will not change the world, but for the child his world couldchange forever!

One day at a time

So our little guy’s case is back up in the air, the father to the five older siblings changed his mind and is only going to take his biological children.  The case workers are trying hard to get the kids out of foster care quickly, they are looking for other family members that will take him and the two other siblings.  So he may be with us longer than we planned, meanwhile he is getting more comfortable and we are growing more attached. He is very clingy to me and follows my every step saying “mama”, as he reports what’s happening around the house.  He also loves Monty and does the happy dance when he gets home from work.  A worker shared with me that he ran to our front door after dropping him off from an appointment, she said he could not get back home quick enough.  It makes me feel good that he feels comfortable, safe and happy here.

Finding a balance is challenging.  I want to meet all his emotional needs and love his past away.  I also want to set him up for success in his next placement (weather it’s foster or family) there will likely me more children than our home, and his future caregiver probably will not have the time or attachment parenting ideas that I do.  I don’t want him to have another scary adjustment period.  How sad for him being so little but already having to learn how hard life can be. 

He has been to the doctor a couple times and is having some pretty serious pulmonary issues, and needs to see a specialist asap.  Meanwhile now he will need to be treated with a nebulizer every 4 hours even through the night.  Ugh… I just moved back into my bed and getting a full night sleep.  Hopefully we can get him the help he needs and he will heal quickly.

Still sleepy and feeling a little under the weather (lupie), but all is well.  I am glad he is here and we will continue to take it one day at a time.

Sleepy

Little Harry arrived at 4 am Sunday morning. Monday a CPI transporter picked him up to take him to the doctor. I expressed some concerns about a rattle I heard in his chest among other thing, like his peanut allergy, and asthma. He came back with a clean bill of health, I was not surprised. I’m not crazy about the Dr they take the foster kids to. His seal like cough and chest got worse, so I took him to our doctor on Wednesday. We came home with a nebulizer for his asthma, an oral steroid for his chest rattle and two epi pens for his peanut allergy. Not to mention advice and websites to support his health issues. Wednesday afternoon he was taken to a visit with the father of some of his older sibling, his bio-mom, and all 7 of his brothers and sisters. Since there are so many children he was picked up at 3pm and did not return until 8:30pm. I packed him a peanut free supper, since he would be gone through supper but returned without eating. I gave him dinner and a bath and we got ready for bed. Bedtime has been tough he has a lot of anxiety about it and our cats. We have tried several approaches, me on the couch with his pack and play right beside me gets everyone the most sleep. I am grateful for Monty and his support while we work thorough bedtime.

Our big scary cat :)

 Thursday was our day of worker visits. Harry’s newly assigned case workers, yes plural they assigned two because there are so many kids. I found out a little more about the case. The sibling that was injured had to have staples in his head, but has been released from the hospital. Harry’s dad is in jail, and I am assuming the bio mom will get a case plan. Apparently the father of the 4 oldest (and one in the middle) was very sad at the visit and is moving into a bigger home so he will be able to take his kids and the youngest (which is Harry). With all that being said…I am not sure how long he will be with us.It was only suppose to be the weekend until they found a placement that could keep some of his siblings together. Now we are just not sure, there are so many kids coming into care and foster homes are packed. I really want to see his case through, so he won’t have to bounce. He is a handsome darling little boy, and fits very nicely into our family, probably too good. We are already attached, and the longer he stays the harder it is going to be. Court is scheduled for the end of the month and who knows what will happen then. Until then we can only hope we all start getting a little more rest.

 This morning the kids had their last t-ball game and party, we are so tired we almost slept through it. We hurried up and made it in time to celebrate and get trophies. We came home to our neighborhood block party. They had 3 bounce houses, snow cones, face painting, a balloon artist, and home depot with wood crafts. Spent the rest of the afternoon was in our little pool in the yard. Harry was so tired he was falling asleep in his dinner plate .My plan was to wear everyone out so we all get a good night sleep tonight. It was a fun, hot family day!! The kids had a blast and I love showing off all my babies.

Playing in the dirt :) Our favorite past time

"A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove . . . But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."

Another sweet little boy



Baby K

                                                                                             
 I have to admit after baby K went to his family, I was quite exhausted and had several days of not feeling well.  Getting up every three hours (or so) was harder on me (since Lupus) than I thought.  We loved having him and he really was a sweet baby, but I did not realize how tired I was.  I have always had the ability to push through and do what I have to do (even find joy in it), but then when the job is done I crash.  This was not nearly as bad as it has been in the past, so I will take the improvement.  I am still struggling to find that balance.



Waiting on the parade

                                                                          We had a great fourth with my family. It started with going to the parade in Brandon, swimming at Grandmas, BBQ at Uncle Mike’s, a neighborhood baseball game and ended with Monty doing a small but super cool fireworks show in the front yard.

Friday morning the kids and I went our favorite park with a nature trail.  We saw tons of wildlife…. 4 gopher tortoises, a baby armadillo, the tale of a black snake and mosquitos the size of small birds.  It was very hot and buggy, but so fun.

Friday afternoon placement started calling me for kids.  The first one was a 15 month old little boy with scabies they needed to place temporally until his 4 month old sister was released from the hospital for severe neglect.  He had spent the previous night in another foster home, but for some unknown reason was being moved.  I called my friend Karen (also a foster mom) just to ask her if she had any experience with scabies and she already knew the story.  She inquired why she was moving him because her friend (a different foster mom- that on that had him the night before) was willing to keep him until the permanent placement was found for the siblings together.  I talked the foster mom that had him to get some information on the little guy.  She shared how he was scared through the night, she had to sleep on the couch beside him to reassure him, and she also confirmed that she was willing to keep him.  I called placement back and questioned why on earth they were moving him.  I expressed my willingness to help, but refused to enable the dysfunction.  Thankfully he went back to that home did not have to adjust to another family.  I knew by talking to the foster mom he is in wonderful hands and right where he needed to stay.

Later that afternoon I got a call for an 8 month old little girl, but they quickly found permanent placement and did not need us. I was relieved I felt the need to take it easy anyway.

Monty took us to the flea market Saturday.  It is never as good as I think it will be and it was so very hot.  We had fun anyway and managed to find a few treasures.  Saturday afternoon I had a great relaxing evening with a friend.  We had dinner at the Spaghetti Warehouse, and strolled around IKEA, while Monty stayed with the kids.

Saturday night at 11pm placement called again this time with a 19 month old little girl (or so they said), from a sibling group of 8, (the youngest being 1 month and the oldest 9 years old) which were taken for physical abuse.  Foster homes were already found for 6 of them, and the 5 year old was in the hospital for the abuse.  I initially said no because it was late and I knew it would be at least another hour before they got here.  I hung up shared the detail with Monty, we discussed how it was the exact age Lexy was when we got her.  I did not ignore the voice inside (I am still listening) within minutes I called back and agreed.  Turns out she was actually a 21 month old little boy, which did not matter to us at all really.  He did not arrive until 4am!!  I was feeling overwhelmed the hours befor he arrived thinking maybe I was taking on too much right now.  He slipped right into bed and slept until 10:30am the next morning.  Lexy and Rayne got up and did not even know he was here until after they had breakfast.  What a surprise for them, every time placement calls they beg for me to say yes.  He is a sweet, quiet little man, but has already made a big mark on our hearts. It seems like kids that come from big sibling groups adjust very quickly to our home, they like all the attention.  I am not sure how long we will have him.  He has a visit scheduled with his mom and dad tomorrow.  The CPI called today and told me that the mother has still not been arrested for the abuse, the siblings have 3 different dads and some will go with their fathers, but our little guy’s dad is not an option because he has a big arrest record.  So far there has been no other family step up to take him.  I think they will see which of the siblings stay in the system then try to move them to a foster home together.  What a mess!!

Our new little man

We have just recently shared with Lexy the details of her story.  She has always known she was adopted, and that we choose her.  We told her she grew in our hearts, she was our first baby and the day she came was one of the best days of our lives.  We did not share the parts about another mom and dad not being able to take care of her.  We wanted to wait until she was mature enough to understand it.  With the recent foster children coming into our home we explain each of their stories and our responsibly as a family to take care of them.  She so “gets it” and was ready.  Monty explained how the police dropped her off (after being released from the hospital) like the other children that come, and how super excited we were that she was here.  She asked briefly about her mom and asked if she was in heaven.  We explained that she wasn’t but she could not keep her safe.  I have thought hours about how this conversation would go and she was hardly moved at all.  She had very little reaction and the subject quickly moved on to if she had to if she could have seconds for dinner.  Rayne on the other hand was mad that a police officer did not bring him. 

Everywhere we go Rayne proudly announces that he has a new baby and that he is the big brother. The kids are very proud of our babies, not only because they are super cute, but I also think they have a deeper understanding that they are making a difference.  They are really a big help and take their roles as big brother and sister pretty serious considering their ages.  I know I have shared this many times, but I am so proud of them!!

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do." Helen Keller

Bitter sweet...

“Our” sweet baby left tonight.  The transporter picked him up around 7:30pm to take him to his grandmother.  We are going to miss him.  We enjoyed having a baby to love on for a little while.  The kids adjusted wonderfully both to him coming and leaving.  They welcomed him into our family with open arms, but they understood that he needed to be with his family. 

He was a happy boy, who seemed very well cared for and loved.  He was on a schedule and slept through the night (besides feedings).  He was clean and had a diaper bag with necessities. 

I believe he should have been with his family from day one.  My understanding of his story is that his mother is deaf and went to see her mental health care provider.  During her appointment the doctor made the decision to backer act her because she was a threat to herself (not her baby).  Then baby K was taken and placed into foster care.  He had relatives that showed up right away wanting to care for him.  The child protective investigator told me the first day he arrived that she saw no reason why his grandma would not get custody, her employment already required a background screening and they just had to complete a home study.  It ended up taking a court order and 11 days before he was reunited with his family.   

I feel compassion for his mother and grandmother.  I try putting myself in their shoes…. what if it was my child and he spent 11 days in a foster home (which sadly some are pretty scary) because I had a problem and the system drug their feet on completing a simple home study on my mother.

I picked up a rubber maid bin and filled it up with all the “stuff” I had gathered for him.  In addition to the bin I had two diaper bags full.  I composed a letter to his family telling them about his time in our home, and gave them my cell number.  I gave it to Monty to proof and he replied “this is how foster care should work”.  That’s all I need to hear and reminded myself that I hopefully made a tiny difference in that family’s life.  I feel the system could have handled this case better, but I am still thankful he came to our home where we have resources and lots of love to share.  I know he was here for a reason, though I don’t fully understand it right now.

Baby K

Monday I got 4 calls from placement for foster children, the first call was for a 2 and 4 year old sibling group, the second call was 11 month old twins, the third call was a newborn just being released from the hospital, and last was a three month old little boy.  We only have room for one baby, so the first two were not even options.  The newborn found a permanent placement, and our little K was dropped off at 9pm.  He is an absolutely beautiful baby, and fairly content and happy.  Both of the kids are very smitten by him and really want to help.  He has really connected to Lexy, he lights up when she walks in the room.  He eats well and sleeps pretty well.  He wakes up about every three hours to eat, but thankfully goes right back to sleep.

What I know of his story is that his mother is deaf and has some mental health issues, and had been baker acted, as of today she was still in the hospital.  Her doctor ordered the baker act because she was a danger to herself.  They have found family members that are willing to take him, but the agency was not able to get the home study completed before court today.  His child protective worker said she sees no reason why he would not be placed with his aunt, but there is also a grandma.  He will be with us through the weekend and possibly next week.  There is not enough staff to complete the home study so he will stay in limbo for several more days. 

My sweet friend (another foster mom) came by Tuesday morning and brought a diaper bag full of clothes his size.  I made a trip to the store and picked him up a few more things.  Now he has everything he needs, and is prepared for his next placement.  I find a lot of joy in gathering “stuff” for our babies.  We will just love on him as long and we can.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service to others.  ~Gandhi

Today

We have had a black/ brown widow spider infestation in our yard, so I have been bravely slaying spiders for several days now.  I’m not too funny about many bugs (except roaches) I usually just leave them alone (unless they are eating my garden). I think my venomous spider body count is up around 30 (not including the egg sacs), .. I am starting to get slightly creped out.  I have found them EVERYWHERE in the yard, but thankfully not in the house!!  With some research and a call to my biologist friend, I have learned that the best way to get rid of them is to go where they hide and kill them. So that’s exactly what I have been doing. There really aren’t sprays that are effective unless you actually spray the spider.  I think I am finally on top of the problem. I cleaned up lots of placed they hide and sprayed some citrus oil to discourage them from returning. The kids spend alot of time outside, and I want to be sure they are safe.

                                                                     

Yesterday our neighborhood stray cat wandered back to my house (after not seeing him for several months), he was lying in my garden.  As I approached him he did not run away, so I knew he must have been very sick.  He had one eye completely missing and infected and the other eye was cloudy.  His skin was thick and swollen, he had sores all over his body, and was very skinny.  I called a local feral cat rescue and they gave me the name of a vet I could take him to.  So I gently lifted him into our cat carrier, and the kids and I took him to the hospital.  I knew the only option for him was to be put down, so we had a long talk on the drive over about what was happening to poor Red.  The vet was super nice and thanked me for bring him in, she said she thought he was blind.  She also warned that he had scabies so I have clean everything he touched with bleach water, because they are transmittable to humans.  It was a sad lesson, but a teaching moment for the kids about humane treatment of animals.  We also helped two gopher tortoises safely cross the road, another lizard egg hatched and released, and founded a giant moth.

I saved the best news for last….I had an appointment with my rheumatologist.  My lupus is NOT active!! In less than a year from diagnosis and treatment my iron and white blood cells are back up to normal levels, and my DNA and ANA tested negative.  I have still been having a lot of pain and fevers.  My doctor said that lupus often bring other autoimmune friends and suggested that something else could be causing my pain.  She talked about the possibilities of fibromyalgia.  Yuck! I was so hopeful that when I got my lupus under control that I would actually feel good.  I have worked so hard to get here, and I AM grateful.  I will continue on the anti-malaria medication, nutritional supplements, and eating a (for the most part) clean healthy diet, hoping that I will be able to get on top of whatever else this is.  I do feel better, and an am confident it will continue to in this direction.

The kids (with help) made their own vision board and talked about their dreams and not just “stuff”.  It was a fun project, and I made it so we can update it as they grow and change.  It’s a good exercise for me too.  I feel the need to be still, quiet and listen, which is very hard for me.  I push so hard to make everything okay, I am learning to accept that somethings I cannot change.  I am grateful for my life and the challenges that I have and will face. 

I found this book Monty gave me for my birthday this year about the year I was born 1977. He edited it and added his own description in it. I found some humor and irony in it.

Baby drill

While I was watching the kids play outside in the rain and mud (our usual summer routine) placement called with an emergency placement of a 6 month old little boy.  I have two appointments scheduled tomorrow. I called my neighbor and fellow foster mom to help me cover during the day, and she was willing.  Placement didn’t tell me much about the little guy except that he was neglected and his 10 year old sister set the house on fire while the parents were not home.  The kids and I got into gear ready to take (and love on) him until they found a permanent placement.  The kids were very excited, Rayne pulled the pack and play out of his room and put it together almost totally by himself, while Lexy put the sheets and blankets on.  We got out the car seat and stroller, and then placement called to let me know that they had already found permanent placement for him... which is great!  The kids were a little sad, because babies are always fun to have around.  It was good news for him,  he wasn’t going to have to bounce from place to place and I really do have a full plate right now anyway.  Everything happens for a reason. Placement knows how to work me and shares the sad storie, that make it hard for me to say no.  We went through the baby drill, and hopefully will be ready the next time there is a little one in need.

We also found another black widow spider on our front porch today, thankfully she (and her mate) were dead.  I have our family pest control guy coming over to take look around tomorrow.  I have never really been afraid of spiders, but I have also never been face to face with a black widow.  I'm getting a little nervous now!

Here is the articlesd about that poor sweet baby and his sister.
http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_east_hillsborough/temple_terrace/police-say-mother-father-made-daughter-run-without-water-kept-baby-in-closet

                                            
http://www.baynews9.com/content/news/baynews9/news/article.html/content/news/articles/bn9/2012/6/6/tampa_couple_charged.html

                                                         

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Yesterday was Monty’s birthday the kids helped me bake him and cake and decorate it.  After dinner and cake Lexy and Rayne took out a few instruments and serenaded him with Happy Birthday for the second time.

A good day for ducks

Just starting to rain

Dancing in the rain