Court today

I am so glad I was able to attend court today.  All parties were present and everyone (except the state’s attorney) was still pretty much in agreement with reunification with dad.  The case was presented before the judge and the state’s attorney stated her case against the dad.  They were scheduling the hearing for next month when the case worker spoke up and said we are recommending reunification with the father.  Everyone stopped in their tracks.  She explained that he was a fit parent and pointed to me and explained that I was willing to be a support to him.  The judge made lots of eye contact and nonverbal communication with me and baby Jay.  I gave as many signs of approval and support I could. I finally spoke up and said I believe him to be a good father and see no reason that he should not have his baby.  So she ordered that the state (as they see fit) to reunify baby Jay with his daddy.  As everyone in the court room stood up Jay shouted “yeah” everyone laughed and even though know he did not know what he was doing…. it was all the sign I needed that the right decision for our baby.

 The mom on the other has not completed any of her case plan (the dad has done everything asked of him and more) because her attorney advised her not to, but today she was fighting with her attorney.  She was angry and short with the judge.  All I have seen from her is anger and resentment.  I just want to shake her and say wake up!!  Let go of the hate and get your baby back.  I believe she can be a good mom.

The judge made the father swear that he would not allow the mother to have any contact with Jay. She firmly told him that if he went against this order that Jay would be taken away again and it would be harder for him to get his baby back next time.  The worker on the case only lives 5 minutes away from the dad and said she will be doing unannounced visits. I am not sure if they will be compliant with the judge’s orders. The worker knows that if he returns to care we will take him back.

The case workers supervisor thanked me for coming and told me it made all the difference me being there.  She said it is rare for all parties to be there and on the same page.  To give our family time to say good-by and get his things together she offered to give us until Friday, but the dad came over and said sometime next week would be good, that way he will have time to get daycare set up for him.  I could see in his eyes that he was just trying to give us a little more time. 

I can’t say it is easy and we are not going to miss this little guy so much but I feel confident that the right decision has been made in his behalf.  We get to love on him one more week and I am grateful. 

My adorable salty crew!

We had a fantastic Halloween.  We participated in local trunks of treats, went to the pumpkin patch, carved pumpkins and went trick or treating.  

Pre-trial for baby

Jay’s family has pre-trial tomorrow.  It has been a crazy and complicated case and the system is not making it any easier.  The criminal case on the mom and the no contact order between the parents have both been dropped.  Everyone (except the state’s attorney) is in favor of his dad getting custody of him… yesterday.  He was in no way an offender (if anything a victim) and there has been no assignments given for him to complete in order to get his son back.  Me, the case worker, the GAL, and his assessment are all in favor of his father getting custody.  Here is where it gets complicated no one (except maybe me) is in favor of mom getting him back until she completes some anger management classes and a few other evaluations to make sure she will not put him in danger again.  They have ordered marital counseling and the parents are “dating” again, yet the mom will likely not be able to have contact with the baby.   They have just moved here and don’t have a family support system. The worker has been very clear with Jay’s dad (if he gets him back) if the mother is caught in the home he will be taken away again and it will be much harder for him to get him back next time…. like it has been easy this time.

I personally wish the mom would have acted a little more humble and not minimized her actions that caused him to be hurt BUT she is a good mom and loves her son and it was an accident.  My hope is that him being taken away was enough of a wake up call and with counseling maybe they can be a family again. I don’t have the answers all I know is that I want this sweet baby to have love, safety and permanency.  My heart is telling me that his parents can give him that.

He has grandparents in Chicago that could likely get custody (if the parents don’t) but it would be another move with essentially strangers, and would end the visits with his parents.  Not a great option for Jay and could cause long term attachment issues for him to make another move.  No one other than the parents would really be in favor of this move, but because they are relatives it could likely still happen.

Court is at 9 am but there are 15 cases on the docket in this time slot.  Lexy, Jayden and I will attend.  I hope to be a support to this family and a voice for all of our baby. 

 

 

Sunny Day Lesko-Gary

After a long painful weekend, Rayne and I took Sunny in to the vet this morning to stop his suffering.  As many of you already know he was diagnosed with diabetes several months ago and I had been giving him insulin shots twice a day.  He was doing okay, but never really back to his “normal” self.  Thursday evening he began throwing up but after a call to the vet Friday we chucked it up to a recent change in his diet. By Friday night he totally stopped eating. His condition very quickly took a turn for the worse and Saturday he could just take a few steps and fall.  We did not expect him to survive through the night Saturday.  I spent as much time with him as I could with three kids in the house.  I made him as comfortable as possible and slept with him Sunday night. The kids and I had lots of time to say good-bye, prepared a box and found the perfect spot for him in the garden.  I was hoping that he would peacefully die at home, but he just kept holding on.  So this morning Lexy said her last good-bye and stayed home to help Monty with the baby and Rayne and I took him in.

The vet was expecting us and ready when we got there, before the doctor came in with the medication my dad (I didn't know was coming) came in.  He peacefully went to sleep and did not have to fight to hang on for us any longer.  He gave us the time we needed to say good-bye. We brought him home and prepared him in his box.  Lexy put in the pictures she colored for him, a couple of his toys and one last kiss.  The kids and I walked out to put him in the hole (my neighbor dug for me Saturday) just as my brother pulled up to help burry him. 

Daddy called this afternoon to check on me and I was replaying the chain of event and telling him I just wish I wouldn’t have held on so long I wish I had taken him in on Friday and that I am sorry that he suffered for as long as he did. My dad in all his wisdom told me that the timing was perfect and had I taken him in on Friday I may have always wondered if he would have been able to get better. There is an immense pain and loneliness in making the choice to end the life of something you love so much. My dad is so right and I am thankful for his words and presence that brought me so much comfort today. 

 I rescued Sunny when I came home from collage. He was my first pet when I moved out on my own.  He loved me at my very worst and through some challenging days.Thankfully he never held a grudge about a dirty litter box. He reluctantly accepted my husband and two other cats I drug home.  He fell in love with my daughter (she loved him too) and helped her feel safe and loved at bedtime.  He was entertaining and so colorful.  He preferred women and rarely warmed up to men.  He often sported dreadlocks, had a wide ribcage and a lot of fluff. He only had one ear because he had cancer. He was my perfect companion and there when I needed one the most. I’m gonna miss my boy!!

 

Today I am thankfully for….

12 years with the best cat ever
My dad his wisdom and support
A big brother that is always around the corner
Good neighbors
Sensitive and loving kids
Perfect timing!

 

Costume Fun!

This year the kids and I have decided on an “ocean” theme for their costumes. Rayne wants to be a fisherman, Lexy wants to be a mermaid and Jay will be a fish. Mom and I usually make the costumes from scratch, but this year we will order the bulk of them and add our own embellishments.  

Since we are in the costume groove I thought I would post the kids costumes from the past years.  We usually participate in a local costume contest have never placed below 3^rd and have taken home the first prize once or twice. It’s so fun!   I wish I had some digital pictures of some of the costumes mom and grandma made me and Mike Jr. through the years.

Little Sprout 2007.  Rayne was growing my my belly.

2008 Butterfly and Caterpillar



2009 Flower and Farmer

2010 I was sick so we did a repeat of the flower and farmer.

2011 Recycle Robots!

He's a keeper!

It’s been a while since I updated.  Having an extra little one in the house keeps me busy and with my lupus fighting against me it is taking all of my energy to keep up with them.  The good new is I AM keeping up with them and it’s exactly what I choose and want to do.

Since my last update I have met Jay’s mom.  She cried and was happy to see that her baby was comfortable (and excited) when the kids and I came to pick him up from his visit.  She also questioned me about a few small things.  I felt defensive and annoyed but that’s not really fair.  I have to take a step back and put myself in her shoes.  If my kids were taken away from me and being cared for by a stranger (in foster care none the less) I would be a complete nut job.  She has provided many monetary items for Jay and offers to get anything I need.  She wrote me a personal e-mail to thank me for taking care of him.  Both parents will go to trial and the dad has hired a personal attorney.  The accusations now are that the reason Jay fell was because the dad grabbed the mom’s arm.  Who knows…. I can’t guess how it really went down.  All I have to go by is how the parents have treated me and their baby since he has been in my home.  I have seen nothing but caring, attentive parents.  I have to trust that the truth will come out (it’s on video for goodness sakes) that there was a lesson learned through this process, and that our baby will go where he will be safe and loved.  At this point he will likely go live with his grandparents in Chicago before he is reunited with either of his parents.

I have also accepted to take him as a permanent placement until all this mess is sorted out.  I just ordered him a crib that the agency is funding, so he would not have to move.  He has been in a pack and play but now that he will be staying a while he really needs a better mattress to sleep on. I am still very concerned about the bonds and attachments being formed, but I am trying to go with the flow and stop letting fear keep me from really listening to my heart.

Lexy and Rayne have started a new soccer season with a new league.  I had concerns when we started that it might be more competitive than we were looking for.  They actually keep score and have a tournament at the end.  Both kids have great coaches and they are learning a lot about the game, but their main goal is to have fun.  I’m not sure I will ever fit the “soccer mom” mold, but I will support and encourage them in whatever their interests are. Rayne scored four goals today and three of them where in the right goal.  Lexy has learned her position and stayed attentive and in the game except for when she was chasing the occasional passing dragonfly.  They are growing up so fast!!

Both kids say things daily that I think I should write down and keep in a scrapbook.  The best one came from Rayne this week we were talking about when they were babies.  I was telling Rayne that he was already walking when he was Jay’s age and he was asking other questions about what he ate and so on…. Then he asked “Mama was I brown when I was a baby?” I had to hold in my chuckle and of course told him that boys and girls pretty much stay the same color they come out.  The last several babies we have had have been sweet little boys of color and I love that Rayne views himself exactly the same as them.  Children are so honest and pure!!  I love that my kids have not been tainted by society, that I have had the privilege to keep them home and teach them.  How is it that of all the children in the world I got the best ones?
 

Tough decisions

The frustration of the system continues…  The report I got from court on Tuesday was that the state’s attorney debated with the case worker about if the dad should be able to get custody of him… this makes no sense because they are suppose to be working together. Again no assignments were given in order for him to get his baby back.  He was NOT the offending parent has never had issues of domestic violence and only has one small unrelated charge more than 5 years ago.  He has been compliant and even proactive in completing tasks that have not even been assigned yet.  He has a great job and a new apartment.

The judge did order each parent 2 visits a week for 2 hours, that totals 8 hours of visit for a 9 month old baby that doesn’t include the almost hour travel time each way.  Today was the first day of the longer visit time and it was exhausting for everyone.  Since it is an overwhelming task for the case worker to complete each week I offered to drive Jay to his visit and meet his dad.  It took me almost an hour to get there in the rain and traffic and then the same on the way home. 

His dad was nice and clearly loves his baby.  He was quiet but it’s kind of an awkward position he is in, so I understand. I dream of hugs and one big happy family after all we all love the baby.   I just hope he understands that I am objective and want the best for all of them and honestly at this point I am on their team.  I know the system is not always fair and kids fall through the cracks but sometimes the parents don’t get a fair shake either.

No doubt Jay’s mom made a very bad choice at the time he was taken into care, but I have to tell you she is the most attentive and in tune bio-mom I have ever dealt with.  She brings formula every time (even a pack of diapers today) and asks if there is anything I need.  She was worried about the length of his visit today and how exhausting is was for him.  She clearly loves her baby.  She shows concern about his well being and has put his needs before hers during challenging time. I still think she needs to get help with her anger, but at this point I believe she is capable of fixing this mess.  

So all this leaves me to figure out what is best for not only him but my family.  The home study on his grandparents could take more than a month to get back because it is out of state.  He has a great case worker and she is working hard to get permanency for him as quickly as possible.  I don’t worry about being able to take care of him for however long it takes. I just worry about the kids and me getting too attached. We are so in love with him already. Rayne was upset today when we left him at the visit because he thought he was not coming back.  This will be our longest placement since Lexy. The difference is this time I know it is only temporary, so hopefully it will be easier.  I just don’t want to cause my kids any heartache. 

 

So for now he will remain a member of our family and we will continue to love him for as long as he is here.

 

 

Today's news

Long story but I went back to my old rheumatologist today basically because I had an appointment and feel awful.  There have been a lot of changes in her office and I am hopeful it makes it more bearable to get into her.  She told me my lupus is back active and would like to start me on an immune suppresser drug.  We talked about several options and even benlyst which I will never be able to afford.  She wants to wait for my labs to come back to make a decision.  I really already knew… I guess I just didn’t want to face it.  I am scared of the “chemo” type and steroid drugs, so I have just kept on trucking and pretending.  I did feel like my doctor heard me today and as always she sent me off with a hug.

If I am honest I have not been diligent with my diet and supplements, so between now and my next appointment I plan and filling my body with nutrients and visualizing and praying for healing.  I am not sure I am ready to face the “big girl” drugs yet.

The attorney does not agree that the Jay’s dad is safe to take him, though he did not have one recommendation for services. His reason for not agreeing to reunify him was “failure to protect”. He has no prior incidents that would indicate that could not care for his son, and there is an injunction on the mom so she would not be a concern.  He has a new home, a great job, and went out of state to get all the babies personal items this weekend.    It looks like we may have the little guy longer than planned.  Hopefully something productive will happen in court next so this sweet baby’s life will not stay in limbo.  

The system always pushes me to the limit we are approaching our 30 day mark, but no permanency for this baby yet.  A month should be enough time to have an idea or a plan of action for a placement that is in a short term foster placement.  Thankfully he has a wonderful worker and I believe she will keep everything moving.  Just one day at a time from here I guess. 

 

 

Sooner than we thought

I talked to Jay’s worker this afternoon and turns out that he may have been “unjustly sheltered”.  Since his dad has no priors, a good job and now a new home he may be able to move in with him immediately.  The case worker should get back to me today.  He could still have to have a home study completed but even then it is likely that he can live with him while the backgrounds and home study are pending.  Court is Friday so if we don’t know anything before we will defiantly know by then.  I am planning to attend the visit tomorrow to meet the dad.  He is new to the area and I would love to be a support to him as need, and the added bonus to that is I would be able to see him and how he is doing. Of course my car is in the shop this week and won’t be ready until Friday so it has been a challenge trying to figure out transportation that will hold all three car seats. 

I thought the more kids you take the easier it is to let them go, but for me and the kids it just seems to get harder.  This one is going to be tough on all of us.  They are all loveable, but this little guy is particularly charming and has quickly worked his way into our hearts.  More to come....

We are so provided for...

We have had baby Jay three weeks now and he is settling right in. He is a joyful, snuggly and a well taken care of baby. He has found the notch in my hip and the crease in my lap that he fits in and that’s exactly where he wants to be. He was the only child in the home and mom was a SAHM and apparently had time to hold him a lot. He makes funny baby noises and faces and has the sweetest little backwards wave. He is adorable and a joy to have in our home.

He has grandparents out of state that are in the process of having a home study completed so they can get him out of foster care asap. Both parents are completely compliant with the system. The mom has provided me with shot records, formula, clothes, and baby food. According to the worker both parents show genuine concern for their baby and are working as hard as they can to get him back. I really hope that they get the services they need and he can go home to a safe loving environment.

Since we take short term placements and live in a small home I am always begging for “stuff” when we get a new baby. With the different ages, developmental stages we could not possibly store everything we need, and our $13 a day board rate hardly covers gear. It’s amazing how we are always so provided for. Friends brought me clothes, his doctor gave me some formula (he is on a very expensive kind), the association gave us a swing, I had a friend that lives across state hook me up with her daughter-in-law for a baby gate (even though he refuses to be in it) and I even found an exersaucer by my neighbors trash. We are defiantly not rich and I am so thankful for everyone that so generously shares their hand-me-downs.

 

Lexy is doing great with her online school, I however am still learning all the websites and logins :). Both kids start soccer this weekend and are very excited. Monty is so busy and has more work than he can get done.

I am not in a good place with my lupus right now.I am not feeling well. I need to find a new rheumatologist because mine moved, but I do not want to give this stupid disease one more drop of my energy or money. If I don’t address it will take the last little bit of energy I do have though. Lately it is so much easier to pretend and push through.

 

Just love them...

It was kindly brought to my attention that I am due for an update and I do have lots to share.

Lexy has officially started Hillsborough County Virtual school and so far so good. Turns out it is the same online program that we used (and paid for) last year, so she is very familiar with it and it’s working for her.  Since we registered at the last minute we were a little behind on getting started but I don’t think it will take her long to catch up.

Both of the kids finished up their 3^rd year of swimming lessons.  Lexy is a fish and I am secure that Rayne can save himself if he falls in now.

About a week and a half ago we took in a 9 month old little boy that had skull fractures due to being dropped on concrete by his mother.  Lots of stories have been flying around about how it happened, but at this point only his mother knows the truth.  It happened in a public place that actually had video cameras and she was charged with domestic violence and child neglect so there will be a trial.  I do know his parents were having an altercation (not the first time) and some how the baby ended up on the ground.  The first story I heard was that she threw him, then that he accidently slipped out of her hands.  I prefer the second version myself.

He is a beautiful little boy, tiny for his age only 17lbs, but seems to be well cared for.  He attached very quickly to me and follows me around the house begging me to pick him up.  As long as he is touching some part of me he is fine, but when I have to put him down or walk away from him…. he is not a happy camper.  We are working through this, our doctor said I have to put him down sometimes and let him work it out.  It’s not fun for any of us though.  He is going through a huge transition and I want him to feel safe and secure.  He has had two visits with his parents and both times mom brought him formula (he is on a very expensive kind) and other necessities.  Reports from the visits are that the parents are appropriate and show genuine concern for his well being.  They have to visit separately due to a restraining order against one of them.  I am going to try and help the mom feel secure through e-mails and photos.  I had offered to supervise the visits, but Monty thought it was a bad idea and he is right.  He reminded me that she went to a very scary place to hurt (or allow) her baby to be injured like that. My hope is that this will be a huge wake up call for his family, that they will work through their problems and live happily ever after.  A girl can dream….

As always the kids are welcoming and accepting of our new baby.  They amaze me! They are my extra set of eyes and ears and are eager to report if he is in any danger.  They happily tend to him anytime they can.  I don’t know how long he will be with us.  As a family we have chosen to only take temporary placements and the limit we set was a month, any longer than that we get too attached.  There does not seem to be any family that will be able to take the little guy, and the case plan for the parents should be pretty simple.  They is no concern about housing or employment (so they won’t have the 6 months to prove that) basically I believe they will have anger management and parenting classes that could possible be completed in as few as 2 months.  I guess we will just have to take it one day at a time.

Since we have been back in the swing of fostering I have met several foster (and homeschooling) moms and am grateful.  We have play dates talk on the phone brainstorm parenting ideas.  Foster, adoptive, homeschooling parents often have unique experiences and it is so helpful to have other seasoned mama’s for support.  I have also plugged back into the local foster parent association. I had pretty much donated and given away most of our baby gear.  I though lupus would keep me from being able to foster again and our house is pretty small to store extra stuff.  I reached out to the association and they helped me get some supplies.  I am reminded what a great resource they are to foster families and children.  I know I always have a cause and am always begging for something but….. just in case you are looking for a worthy cause to donate your used baby/kid/teen/adult clothes and gear to I am your girl.  I will be happy to deliver it.  It has been a blessing to us and so many other foster families and children.  http://www.hcfpa.org/