Celebrating spring with Grandma

Mom played hooky from work and came over with a bag of Easter cheer.  With this lupus flare I have been falling behind so grandma came over to help get us ready for the holiday.  We made Easter baskets out of recycled strawberry baskets, and Easter cards to share.  She brought decorations for the house and a few treats.  Then we met grandpa for lunch, picked up some live bait and headed out to the marina so the kids could use the new poles grandpa go them for Christmas.

Lexy's visit with bio family

We were over due for a visit with Lexy’s bio (maternal) sister (who is 10 years old now) and her bio (maternal) grandma.  Lexy was 19 months old and her sister J was 4 when they were removed from their home for severe abuse.  J endured documented abuse for years before she was finally removed due to the abuse on Alexis.  J moved in with her paternal grandma (the girls have different dads) and Lexy came to us.  It is the maternal Grandmother of both girls that brings J to the visits. 

This time we decided to meet at the bowling alley since Rayne had just won a free game and pizza at the fishing tournament.  I forgot how fun bowling is and the kids had a really great time.  We had pizza, bowled, and Grandma Julie brought Lexy’s Christmas gifts.  J has always been pretty challenging and regularly tests limits. Grandma Julie got Lexy a new baby doll, that she loved.  J began whispering to Lexy but I could not hear their conversation and because I tend to be a helicopter parent I was trying to give them space to bond.  Shortly after Lexy came up to me very worried and said to J tell my mommy what you told me about my new baby doll.  J quickly tried to change the subject but I insisted they go on.  Apparently J told Lexy that she had to tie her new baby’s feet together at night because that kind of baby would get up and try to kill her.   REALLY???  Lexy was panicked so I made J look at Lexy (J is not much for making eye contact of any kind) and tell her that she made up that story.  There were a few other worrisome interactions through out the visit and I had a long talk with Lexy and explained to her that J has some problems and that she sometimes makes up stories. 

This recent visit made me feel two things…. Thankful and sad!  First I am so thankful that Lexy is the little girl she is.  I am thankful for her innocence, her sweet spirit and that she is  my daughter.  It also made me sad because J is a troubled little girl and clearly has more damage from the time in the abusive home and time in foster care.  Both girls show signs of RADD (in different ways) and I hope J is getting the services she needs.

Rayne's First Fishing Tournament

Rayne’s first fishing tournament was the beginning of the March. The South Shore Anglers Club hosted a trout tournament that benefited Alzheimer’s association.  Grandpa, Rayne and Uncle Mike set out fairly early to get to their hot fishing spots.  Well before they even left the dock Rayne walked in to the back of grandpa’s truck and cut his cheek pretty deep.  Uncle Mike (fire fighter/EMS) called me to let me know he it needed medical attention, so I picked him up and took him to the walk in clinic (secretly hoping they would just glue it).  Rayne had been very brave and had not cried at all until he thought it might cause him to miss the tournament.  Grandpa promised to stay close so he could still go fishing when he was done at the doctor. 

We got to a local walk in clinic and the doctor on duty explained that glue would not work and it would have to be stitched.  Her suggestion was to take him to the hospital and see a plastic surgeon due to where it was on his face and how it was cut.  She was concerned about the size and place of the scar ... after the brief guilt trip from the doctor.  I kindly explained that we did not have the financial resources or health insurance and I was okay with a little scar.  Don’t get me wrong I would rather him stay perfect, but he is a boy, its life and it could be a lot worse.  She agreed to stitch it and I think she did a pretty good job.  It took every nurse and family member (me, daddy and grandma) there to hold him down once he heard he was getting stitches.  He panicked (apparently typical of his age) and it made it very challenging to get it numb. Once it was numb he calmed down some during the actual stitches.  As promised as soon as he was done I took him back to the marina where grandpa picked him up and he was still able to go fishing.

 

He ended up catching a couple small trout.  It was a catch and release tournament so they took pictures to the “weigh in” and after party.  Rayne came in second (of the two kids that participated) and won a hat, a free bowling certificate and a trophy (grandma had made or his first tournament).  Everyone made him feel very brave and special for continuing to fish even after his ordeal.  He ended up having a very good day and he and grandpa are already planning on their next tournament.  Let’s just hope the next one is not quite so stressful and expensive.

Winter Soccer

The Mighty Mites

So Rayne finished up his winter season of soccer that Lexy opted out of.  It turned out good for her because she was able to run around with the older sisters of Rayne’s teammates while they played and practiced.



Rayne did great he often scored the first goal of the game and many through out the game.  He is fast and coordinated, but also very competitive. When you are 5 it makes it hard to share the ball with your teammates.  He was focused on scoring goals and he made a lot of them.  He is defiantly learning the game quickly and loves playing.

I think both kids will play again in the spring.  They are changing the age groups to 5-7 which means Lexy and Rayne can be on the same team.  Then Lexy that is not a fast and interested for that matter will be one of the older kids and Rayne that is really quite good will be one of the younger ones on the team.  In theory it should work out good and they should both be able to play, learn new things and be challenged.  I guess we will see. 



I have to say they have been playing very well together at home.  They take turns playing cars, baby dolls, monster trucks and fairies and sometimes they play with them all together. 

 

Rayne and his coach

The new faces of foster moms

In 2009 my mom gave me a book called Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. Years before she gave it to me I saw her speak at a child abuse luncheon while I was working in the foster care system but it was before I became a foster mom and familiar with the GAL program Her book is a memoir of her life in foster care.  She spent 10 years and endured some horrible abuse in our local foster care system.  I read it the first time in the midst of our process of trying to adopt Alexis.  She had tons of workers but like Lexy the one worker that stayed with her through her adoption was the only person not paid and that was her Guardian ad litem.  It hits close to home because it is local agency’s we work with or know about.  Not to mention it is a story that parallels my daughter’s life and the scary possibilities that could have changed her (and our) life.

Check her out and read her book http://www.rhodes-courter.com/

 

I heard she was going to be doing a lecture and a book signing for the GAL program so I gathered a few of my favorite foster mom and went to see her speak.  I am very blessed to have some very special women (foster mom) friends in my life that inspire and support me.  I had picked them up a book to have signed as well.  After her moving speech we waited in line to see Ashley. When we talked with her we shared that we were foster moms and she graciously told us how pretty we were and called us “the new faces of foster moms”.  She fosters too now.  We had our books signed and a picture taken with her.  When I look at the picture I feel honored to be standing in the middle of these phenomenal women.  They are quietly and tirelessly saving the world one child at a time.  I am proud to call them my friends.  

Ashley is on the far left the other three are my sweet friends.
I look so tall in this picture... "My friends are small but mighty"

 

 

Seeing Ashley’s lecture also prompted me to call Lexy’s guardian.  I was overdue in catching up with her and she is also a wonderful mentor in my life. She is very special to our family.  I can not possibly thank her enough for her role in Lexy’s life but I do every time we talk anyway.  We also catch up on our daily lives how our families are.  Kathryn in now a master guardian and has a case load of 13 kids.  I thought to myself how happy I am that she is still a guardian and how lucky those kids are to have her assigned to their cases. 

As foster moms (especially me dealing with my health issues) we know this role of foster parenting will only last a season and that we will not always be able to take in more children.  I believe we (my foster mom friends and I) agree that our next role in advocating for these children will be as their guardians.  My friends and I joke about it and say “when we grow up we want to be guardian ad litems”



Lexy with Kathryn on adoption day!!

 

I have shared Lexy’s story in regards to the role Kathryn had in her life but I thought it would be worth sharing again……

I worked in the system of care with abused children, and parents that required supervised visitation with their kids due to their troubles, for 10 years before my husband and I became foster parents. I thought I was informed, but it wasn’t until the placement of our severely abused foster daughter that I discovered how much I had to learn. During this time I was introduced to a very important person in the lives of our children in care. Tons of people evaluated, looked at, talked to, worked for and on Alexis’ case, but it was undoubtedly her Guardian ad Litem (a volunteer position ) that was most dedicated and worked the hardest to find out what was truly best for her. Before our personal journey I knew very little about the program, but through our process I learned they are really the silent heroes, working for a population of youth that can’t speak for themselves. I can take you back to the day we got the call, and tell you little of our story…

It was April 1 2007…..we received a call from our agency telling us that we were licensed, and asking if we were willing to take in a 19 month old little girl. She was being released from a week in the hospital due to abuse. Of course we jumped at the opportunity to care for her. Our worker warned us that she was pretty beaten up, so we would be “prepared” when she arrived. Nothing could have prepared us for the way she looked when she came to our home. She had multiple skull fractures, two black eyes, bruising all around her neck and cheeks, and most of her hair had been pulled out. She was skinny and pale, but she came into our home with a huge smile, laughing, hugging and trusting. She was assigned a case worker (we had 3 of those, before she was adopted), a child protection investigator, a behavioral specialist, and our family development specialist….just off the top of my head. Many of them were kind and helpful, but Lexy’s guardian was the ONLY worker that was with her from the very beginning until the day of adoption. Kathryn St. Clair was Alexis’s Guardian ad Litem (or what I like to call her Guardian Angel). Kathryn is a retired CEO of a non-profit who lives in Sun City Center. She devotes much of her time to volunteer organizations, one of those thankfully being the GAL program. Kathryn visited our house monthly, occasionally unannounced, to talk with us and check on Lexy’s progress. She would tour our home for safety and assure Lexy had everything she needed to thrive. This was our first foster child; we would not even have known that we were allowed to go to the court hearings if Kathryn had not encouraged us to so we could stay informed to better care for Alexis. It also helped the judge see our dedication to her.

Alexis’s mom was charged with the abuse and signed surrenders of her maternal rights. Her case went to trial and she spent 2 years in prison and is now serving 5 years of probation. Lexy has a maternal sister that was taken in by her paternal grandmother, but since she was not related to Alexis she was not willing to take her too. Her father has a total of 4 children with 3 different women. One had already been adopted, two live with their mother (that he was not paying child support for) and then there was Lexy. At the time Alexis was taken, he was unemployed and living with a friend. He was given a case plan to work to get custody of her, which consisted of only 6 months of stable housing and employment. At that time he also told the case worker that his parents were willing to take Alexis, but the case worker got little response from them. Kathryn heard this and took the 40 mile drive to the grandparent’s home right away. They expressed concern for her and wanted to assure she was safe and loved (they were understandably scared of the foster care system), but did not really want to start over with a 2 year old. They had raised 16 children between them and were overwhelmed at the thought of starting over. Kathryn assured them that Lexy was in a safe home. She reported her finding to the case worker who just continued on with their home study for placement. She also shared with us about her visit, and their willingness to meet us. I set up a meeting right away (against the case workers advice) so they could get acquainted with us, see our home and know that their granddaughter was loved and cared for. Our meeting went great they seemed relieved that she was safe and happy. They contacted the case worker and let her know that as long as Lexy stayed in our home they would not be interested in taking custody. Lexy’s father’s time finally ran out and his rights were terminated. On November 23, 2008 national adoption day, sitting beside Kathryn (her guardian angel) Lexy was made a forever member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind that Lexy’s story could have ended quite differently had she not had Kathryn, her Guardian ad Litem advocating for her.

The day Lexy arrived in our home

This was taken after a week in the hospital of healing.

 

Rayne turns 5

Rayne was born 5 years ago on Super bowl Sunday at the time I did not even know there was a world beyond our family (which included trying to adopt Lexy) and our new beautiful baby.  I am not really football fan but I am sure someday it will be cool to Rayne that he was born on the biggest football day of the year.  Right now his favorite thing is Monster trucks and lucky for him Monster Jam also comes to Tampa his birthday weekend.  This was our second year attending the event.  This time we had a year to watch it on TV, get to know the trucks and drivers and gather a good collection of toys.  Grandma and grandpa, Uncle Mike and cousin MJ joined us. Grandma packed a picnic so we could tailgate before.  Rayne was so excited and worried he was going to miss something he hardly ate (not that this is anything new). All of his favorite trucks were there and one of his favorites won!  He sat by his "best friend" grandpa and gave him the DL on all the trucks.  It was a super fun night.

The Sunday after Monster Jam we had some friends over to grandma and grandpas for a monster truck birthday party.  Complete with a zip-line (courtesy of daddy), a piñata, golf cart rides and a monster truck cake (made for him by grandma). It was a great day and my little man felt special and loved!

Rayne is a special little boy!  No matter how long we grow his hair, or if he has his toenails painted, or even carries around his baby doll….. he is ALL boy.  He is mechanical and curious about how things work. Rayne loves trucks, boats, airplanes, fishing and dirt.  He adds so much color and joy to our lives!

New Car

So much has happened since I last blogged, I am not sure where to begin. I think I will post a few small updates to catch up.

The year ended with me being in a bad car accident.  Thankfully Rayne and I were okay but my car was totaled.  There was some doubt that insurance was going to cover any of it because the guy that hit us had no license and was not honest when completing his insurance paperwork.  Since the accident was his fault and we did not have collision his insurance was our only hope. Thankfully they decided to cover my trailblazer 80%.  It should have been 100% because the police report said I had no fault and he failed to yield the right of way…. anyway  I went from thinking I was getting nothing, so needless to say I was grateful.  It took the insurance company more than a month to compensate us. I have sweet friends that let me use their extra car while I was waiting on insurance and shopping for a new (to me) car.  Buying a car is a big expense and a big decision so, with my dad’s help I bought a 2008 Chevy Tahoe LTZ.  It is shiny with a lot of bells and whistles.  We needed a third row so we can fit car seats and it had to be large enough to pull our 24’ camper.  Trying not to make more of a footprint than we had to I did a lot of research on SUV’s and engines.  The one we bought has a fuel management system so it drops down to 4 cylinders when possible.  It is also equipped with flexfuel so it can run on ethanol.  It is already better on gas than my smaller truck was. It also has second row bucket seats and a dvd player. Sporty on the outside, family friendly on the inside and will pull our camper with ease. I know not all stay-at-home moms are blessed with all these luxuries in a car. It’s a beautiful truck and boy do I feel spoiled.

 

New year same challanges

I brought in the new year sick as a dog and I spent New Years Eve in the walk-in clinic.  I think we had a virus go through the house, but everyone else seemed to fight it off except me.  After a chest x-ray I was given a round of antibiotics, steroids and breathing treatments.  It is February and I just started my second round of the same.  The doctor said that the illness triggered some lupus activity.  Perhaps my iron levels being low are hindering my healing.  I’m not sure really what is going on but I do know I am not feeling great. 

I have a wonderful rheumatologist that is very understanding of my life and how lupus effects it.  She is loving and understanding that I am a mom and is affectionate to my kids when I have to bring my kids to my appointments.  She is also understands our healthcare and financial limitations.  I am very lucky to have her as doctor I honestly believes she cares about me and my family.  I hope you never do but if you are in need of a RA, I highly recommend Dr. Kimberly Smith. http://www.mmghealth.com/

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/dr-kimberly-m-smith-of-tampa-fl-is-honored-as-a-compassionate-doctor-166311286.html

I am going to shop around to see if I can find an iron infusion that is more affordable than the cancer doctor I saw.  I am feeling pretty rundown. It could be from my levels being so low or just general lupus activity.  I still have not learned to balance my disease and listen to my body’s signals to slow down.  I am not sure how to do that when life goes on.  My kids continue to grow and have needs and desires that I WANT to fulfill.  I am emotional and sensitive but I know that if I start feeling better this will pass. 

My new years resolution is to promote health through out my family.  I want to continue to learn about whole health for all of us, my home and our environment.  I believe this will be a life long goal as we learn and evolve.  I am not so naïve to think that this can be accomplished in one year but I want for this year to continue on this journey.

Monty did get some fireworks for the kids half off after new years and later that week we had a good time setting them off.  All my kids (including Monty) love fireworks!!