Long overdue...

Whew I can’t believe it has been almost 6 months since I posted an update.  Not sure I will be able to totally catch up because we have had tons going on but I will try.  

 

Since my last update I have had an iron infusion, we took a Disney trip with grandma, a camping trip to our favorite festival OBJ and to Ft. Desoto, started fostering cats/kittens through a crazy kitten season, Lexy turned 8 and had a rainbow celebration and we took in a one month old little girl foster placement….. yikes I didn’t realize how busy we really were until I saw it typed out.

 At the end of April I finally went in to have an iron infusion.  My doctors had been encouraging me for sometime to have one but it was expensive and inconvenient so I kept putting it off.  My levels continued to creep down and I was feeling pretty rung out. My doctor warned me that if it continued to drop I could be looking at a blood transfusion instead… nobody wants that.  It took most of one day at the cancer center to get the iron infused in my blood and the procedure was super easy and painless.  The days after turned out to be a lot harder on me than expected.  I had almost a week of the worst flu symptoms ever but after the side effects subsided I began slowly feeling better and continue to do so.  In my labs last week my levels were almost in the normal range. Thank goodness.  I am glad I did it and am glad it is behind me.  My hope is that it triggered my body to start working properly again and I will never have to do that again.

The month of May begin with mama taking me and the kids to Disney for a few days.  She has a Disney card that she had been saving points on for a few years.  We stayed in one of the Disney hotels and had so much fun.  We planned and shopped ahead to save money.  We stocked up on Disney stuff from clearance racks and the dollar store. We all counted down the days until the trip.  We also packed matching outfits and special snacks and lunches for each day.  We spent 2 nights and 3 days in the magic kingdom it was truly magical.  Grandma’s have a way of making everything so special.

 

Mid May the kids and I packed up the camper and headed to Orange Blossom Jamboree our favorite camping festival of the year.  It was my first time pulling and setting up the camper by myself.  Of course I had friends waiting to help me get it parked and set up when we arrived.  OBJ is filled with lots of love, friends, music, nature, art and kids activities.  It is something we enjoy and look forward to every year and this year did not disappoint.

http://www.orangeblossomjamboree.com/

In June we decided that we were ready for new kittens since the loss of our sweet Sunny.  I found a rescue that had several to choose from and we adopted Rayne’s kitten that he named “Tomcat Pilot in the Sunshine” and Lexy’s “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.  We also saw that there was a huge need for foster homes for cats and kittens during kitten season so we signed up to help.  Through the season we were able to rescue and find homes for 10 kittens/cats.  We have one little guy left to find a home for and have decided to take a break until next kitten season.  It was a very fun and rewarding and I think a great learning experience for the kids.

 

http://www.stfrancisrescue.org/animals/cats

Pilot and Lucy

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Tomcat Pilot in the Sunshine

Our last little guy looking for a home. Lake

Mid August I began to get the itch to camp and get away so the kids packed up the camper again and headed to Ft. Desoto a few days with my friend (the kid’s Aunt) Jackie.  We had a gorgeous site right on the water and enjoyed the nature (even the raccoons that tried to steal our food) and much needed time away.  Again I was feeling empowered by pulling and setting up the camper myself.  I had a few little hiccups with the awning and gas but made and through and had a great get away.

http://fortdesoto.com/



August 25 Lexy turned 8 and she requested a rainbow birthday party.  It was so fun!!  We invited our friends the Campbell’s… one of the great things about being in the foster family community is many of our friends have very large families so we only have to invite one family and it’s a party.  Our village came together and made Lexy girl feel very special.  She is such an amazing little girl and deserves grand celebrations.  

 

I had put our name back on the placement list for a foster baby a while back but it was on my mom’s birthday September 4^th we got the call for a one month old preemie little girl. She spent a month in the hospital but was healthy and strong enough to be released to our home.  She is beautiful and sweet!  Her mom is facing lots of challenges right and she could not be released to her.  Allegedly the mom is having mental health issues and also problems with drug use.  She used while pregnant but thankfully sweet M tested negative.  She came to visit her baby in the hospital under the influence and the nurses reported it.  When the investigator went to the home she also found her to be under the influence and hazards in the home that prevented M from being safe.  There are also several men involved with a history of domestic violence.  The good new is since M was taken her mom has really stepped up and is getting her “work” done before even ordered by the court.  No doubt she has lots of challenges ahead but perhaps this is just the wake up call she needed.  For now we are happy to have her and care for her and plan to love on her for as long as she is here.

Not long after the placement of the baby I started feeling a little under the weather.  I chucked it up to stress, exhaustion, and poor diet due to meeting the around the clock demands of a newborn.  Last week it got unbearable and when getting up for M’s morning feeding I nearly passed out.  I made an appointment I went to see my beloved rheumatologist.  I told her of my dizziness, heart pounding, shortness of breath and all over feeling yuck.  She listened to me and quickly took an EKG.  My heart rate was 150 (normal is 70) and irregular.  She insisted I see a cardiologist as soon as possible.  Thankfully Monty has a good report with one that he works for and they got me in the next day.  He diagnosed me with a heart condition called supraventricular tachycardia which is a very treatable.  It is something I was born with and usually shows in women around the age of 40.  My understanding of it is I have two currents in my heart and most people have one the cardiologist told me that my heart can not maintain the way it is working now.  I have the procedure scheduled to fix it next Wednesday at Pepin Heart Institute.  The surgeon come highly recommended and I feel like I am in great hands.  They get to my heart from a vein in my leg and cut off the extra current.  If it is on the side that they can easily get I could be released that day (that is what I am planning on) if it is on the other side I will likely have to spend the night because they will have to cut through my heart to get to the problem.  I have peace with the procedure and such an amazing of network of love and support.  My sweet friend Karen (also a foster mom) is helping me with M until the procedure.  I have family and friends offering to take care of all of us and anything we need.  From what I understand it is a straight forward procedure with a quick recovery. Every challenge I face it just reinforces just how very blessed I am.

We have started back homeschooling and soccer starts next week.  I have to be back up and running very quickly …..Everyone knows mama’s don’t have time to be sick.

 

Celebrating spring with Grandma

Mom played hooky from work and came over with a bag of Easter cheer.  With this lupus flare I have been falling behind so grandma came over to help get us ready for the holiday.  We made Easter baskets out of recycled strawberry baskets, and Easter cards to share.  She brought decorations for the house and a few treats.  Then we met grandpa for lunch, picked up some live bait and headed out to the marina so the kids could use the new poles grandpa go them for Christmas.

Lexy's visit with bio family

We were over due for a visit with Lexy’s bio (maternal) sister (who is 10 years old now) and her bio (maternal) grandma.  Lexy was 19 months old and her sister J was 4 when they were removed from their home for severe abuse.  J endured documented abuse for years before she was finally removed due to the abuse on Alexis.  J moved in with her paternal grandma (the girls have different dads) and Lexy came to us.  It is the maternal Grandmother of both girls that brings J to the visits. 

This time we decided to meet at the bowling alley since Rayne had just won a free game and pizza at the fishing tournament.  I forgot how fun bowling is and the kids had a really great time.  We had pizza, bowled, and Grandma Julie brought Lexy’s Christmas gifts.  J has always been pretty challenging and regularly tests limits. Grandma Julie got Lexy a new baby doll, that she loved.  J began whispering to Lexy but I could not hear their conversation and because I tend to be a helicopter parent I was trying to give them space to bond.  Shortly after Lexy came up to me very worried and said to J tell my mommy what you told me about my new baby doll.  J quickly tried to change the subject but I insisted they go on.  Apparently J told Lexy that she had to tie her new baby’s feet together at night because that kind of baby would get up and try to kill her.   REALLY???  Lexy was panicked so I made J look at Lexy (J is not much for making eye contact of any kind) and tell her that she made up that story.  There were a few other worrisome interactions through out the visit and I had a long talk with Lexy and explained to her that J has some problems and that she sometimes makes up stories. 

This recent visit made me feel two things…. Thankful and sad!  First I am so thankful that Lexy is the little girl she is.  I am thankful for her innocence, her sweet spirit and that she is  my daughter.  It also made me sad because J is a troubled little girl and clearly has more damage from the time in the abusive home and time in foster care.  Both girls show signs of RADD (in different ways) and I hope J is getting the services she needs.

Rayne's First Fishing Tournament

Rayne’s first fishing tournament was the beginning of the March. The South Shore Anglers Club hosted a trout tournament that benefited Alzheimer’s association.  Grandpa, Rayne and Uncle Mike set out fairly early to get to their hot fishing spots.  Well before they even left the dock Rayne walked in to the back of grandpa’s truck and cut his cheek pretty deep.  Uncle Mike (fire fighter/EMS) called me to let me know he it needed medical attention, so I picked him up and took him to the walk in clinic (secretly hoping they would just glue it).  Rayne had been very brave and had not cried at all until he thought it might cause him to miss the tournament.  Grandpa promised to stay close so he could still go fishing when he was done at the doctor. 

We got to a local walk in clinic and the doctor on duty explained that glue would not work and it would have to be stitched.  Her suggestion was to take him to the hospital and see a plastic surgeon due to where it was on his face and how it was cut.  She was concerned about the size and place of the scar ... after the brief guilt trip from the doctor.  I kindly explained that we did not have the financial resources or health insurance and I was okay with a little scar.  Don’t get me wrong I would rather him stay perfect, but he is a boy, its life and it could be a lot worse.  She agreed to stitch it and I think she did a pretty good job.  It took every nurse and family member (me, daddy and grandma) there to hold him down once he heard he was getting stitches.  He panicked (apparently typical of his age) and it made it very challenging to get it numb. Once it was numb he calmed down some during the actual stitches.  As promised as soon as he was done I took him back to the marina where grandpa picked him up and he was still able to go fishing.

 

He ended up catching a couple small trout.  It was a catch and release tournament so they took pictures to the “weigh in” and after party.  Rayne came in second (of the two kids that participated) and won a hat, a free bowling certificate and a trophy (grandma had made or his first tournament).  Everyone made him feel very brave and special for continuing to fish even after his ordeal.  He ended up having a very good day and he and grandpa are already planning on their next tournament.  Let’s just hope the next one is not quite so stressful and expensive.

Winter Soccer

The Mighty Mites

So Rayne finished up his winter season of soccer that Lexy opted out of.  It turned out good for her because she was able to run around with the older sisters of Rayne’s teammates while they played and practiced.



Rayne did great he often scored the first goal of the game and many through out the game.  He is fast and coordinated, but also very competitive. When you are 5 it makes it hard to share the ball with your teammates.  He was focused on scoring goals and he made a lot of them.  He is defiantly learning the game quickly and loves playing.

I think both kids will play again in the spring.  They are changing the age groups to 5-7 which means Lexy and Rayne can be on the same team.  Then Lexy that is not a fast and interested for that matter will be one of the older kids and Rayne that is really quite good will be one of the younger ones on the team.  In theory it should work out good and they should both be able to play, learn new things and be challenged.  I guess we will see. 



I have to say they have been playing very well together at home.  They take turns playing cars, baby dolls, monster trucks and fairies and sometimes they play with them all together. 

 

Rayne and his coach

The new faces of foster moms

In 2009 my mom gave me a book called Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. Years before she gave it to me I saw her speak at a child abuse luncheon while I was working in the foster care system but it was before I became a foster mom and familiar with the GAL program Her book is a memoir of her life in foster care.  She spent 10 years and endured some horrible abuse in our local foster care system.  I read it the first time in the midst of our process of trying to adopt Alexis.  She had tons of workers but like Lexy the one worker that stayed with her through her adoption was the only person not paid and that was her Guardian ad litem.  It hits close to home because it is local agency’s we work with or know about.  Not to mention it is a story that parallels my daughter’s life and the scary possibilities that could have changed her (and our) life.

Check her out and read her book http://www.rhodes-courter.com/

 

I heard she was going to be doing a lecture and a book signing for the GAL program so I gathered a few of my favorite foster mom and went to see her speak.  I am very blessed to have some very special women (foster mom) friends in my life that inspire and support me.  I had picked them up a book to have signed as well.  After her moving speech we waited in line to see Ashley. When we talked with her we shared that we were foster moms and she graciously told us how pretty we were and called us “the new faces of foster moms”.  She fosters too now.  We had our books signed and a picture taken with her.  When I look at the picture I feel honored to be standing in the middle of these phenomenal women.  They are quietly and tirelessly saving the world one child at a time.  I am proud to call them my friends.  

Ashley is on the far left the other three are my sweet friends.
I look so tall in this picture... "My friends are small but mighty"

 

 

Seeing Ashley’s lecture also prompted me to call Lexy’s guardian.  I was overdue in catching up with her and she is also a wonderful mentor in my life. She is very special to our family.  I can not possibly thank her enough for her role in Lexy’s life but I do every time we talk anyway.  We also catch up on our daily lives how our families are.  Kathryn in now a master guardian and has a case load of 13 kids.  I thought to myself how happy I am that she is still a guardian and how lucky those kids are to have her assigned to their cases. 

As foster moms (especially me dealing with my health issues) we know this role of foster parenting will only last a season and that we will not always be able to take in more children.  I believe we (my foster mom friends and I) agree that our next role in advocating for these children will be as their guardians.  My friends and I joke about it and say “when we grow up we want to be guardian ad litems”



Lexy with Kathryn on adoption day!!

 

I have shared Lexy’s story in regards to the role Kathryn had in her life but I thought it would be worth sharing again……

I worked in the system of care with abused children, and parents that required supervised visitation with their kids due to their troubles, for 10 years before my husband and I became foster parents. I thought I was informed, but it wasn’t until the placement of our severely abused foster daughter that I discovered how much I had to learn. During this time I was introduced to a very important person in the lives of our children in care. Tons of people evaluated, looked at, talked to, worked for and on Alexis’ case, but it was undoubtedly her Guardian ad Litem (a volunteer position ) that was most dedicated and worked the hardest to find out what was truly best for her. Before our personal journey I knew very little about the program, but through our process I learned they are really the silent heroes, working for a population of youth that can’t speak for themselves. I can take you back to the day we got the call, and tell you little of our story…

It was April 1 2007…..we received a call from our agency telling us that we were licensed, and asking if we were willing to take in a 19 month old little girl. She was being released from a week in the hospital due to abuse. Of course we jumped at the opportunity to care for her. Our worker warned us that she was pretty beaten up, so we would be “prepared” when she arrived. Nothing could have prepared us for the way she looked when she came to our home. She had multiple skull fractures, two black eyes, bruising all around her neck and cheeks, and most of her hair had been pulled out. She was skinny and pale, but she came into our home with a huge smile, laughing, hugging and trusting. She was assigned a case worker (we had 3 of those, before she was adopted), a child protection investigator, a behavioral specialist, and our family development specialist….just off the top of my head. Many of them were kind and helpful, but Lexy’s guardian was the ONLY worker that was with her from the very beginning until the day of adoption. Kathryn St. Clair was Alexis’s Guardian ad Litem (or what I like to call her Guardian Angel). Kathryn is a retired CEO of a non-profit who lives in Sun City Center. She devotes much of her time to volunteer organizations, one of those thankfully being the GAL program. Kathryn visited our house monthly, occasionally unannounced, to talk with us and check on Lexy’s progress. She would tour our home for safety and assure Lexy had everything she needed to thrive. This was our first foster child; we would not even have known that we were allowed to go to the court hearings if Kathryn had not encouraged us to so we could stay informed to better care for Alexis. It also helped the judge see our dedication to her.

Alexis’s mom was charged with the abuse and signed surrenders of her maternal rights. Her case went to trial and she spent 2 years in prison and is now serving 5 years of probation. Lexy has a maternal sister that was taken in by her paternal grandmother, but since she was not related to Alexis she was not willing to take her too. Her father has a total of 4 children with 3 different women. One had already been adopted, two live with their mother (that he was not paying child support for) and then there was Lexy. At the time Alexis was taken, he was unemployed and living with a friend. He was given a case plan to work to get custody of her, which consisted of only 6 months of stable housing and employment. At that time he also told the case worker that his parents were willing to take Alexis, but the case worker got little response from them. Kathryn heard this and took the 40 mile drive to the grandparent’s home right away. They expressed concern for her and wanted to assure she was safe and loved (they were understandably scared of the foster care system), but did not really want to start over with a 2 year old. They had raised 16 children between them and were overwhelmed at the thought of starting over. Kathryn assured them that Lexy was in a safe home. She reported her finding to the case worker who just continued on with their home study for placement. She also shared with us about her visit, and their willingness to meet us. I set up a meeting right away (against the case workers advice) so they could get acquainted with us, see our home and know that their granddaughter was loved and cared for. Our meeting went great they seemed relieved that she was safe and happy. They contacted the case worker and let her know that as long as Lexy stayed in our home they would not be interested in taking custody. Lexy’s father’s time finally ran out and his rights were terminated. On November 23, 2008 national adoption day, sitting beside Kathryn (her guardian angel) Lexy was made a forever member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind that Lexy’s story could have ended quite differently had she not had Kathryn, her Guardian ad Litem advocating for her.

The day Lexy arrived in our home

This was taken after a week in the hospital of healing.