2010 Christmas letter

We continued to be busy, healthy, challenged, and happy in 2010. Rayne turned two in February and though he has been sleeping through the night for a long time now, he is still exhausting. He talks like a scholar and constantly. He knows his alphabet, numbers and shapes, but has shown very little interest in learning his colors. When his feet hit the floor in the morning he begins running, yelling, jumping, climbing, talking, screaming, hugging, kissing, and it does not stop until we put him to bed at night. He is spoiled, and opinioned, but also joyful and loving. He tells us often how much he loves us and enjoys snuggling. He is so busy and all boy!! I used to think mom was exaggerating when she talked about little Mike, I don’t anymore.

Lexy’s year began with us becoming painfully aware of some problems she was having in pre-k. She was in a small church preschool, and because of this we felt secure and safe that she was being treated lovingly and fairly, but sadly this was not the case at all. We cautiously allowed her to finish out the year. After lots of soul searching, professional advice, and prayer Monty and I decided that homeschooling would be best for her. We have unofficially begun this year and have started practicing. Since her birthday is right at the cut off, we will start kindergarten through the school system next year. I believe everything happens for a reason, and this experience is what opened our eyes and hearts to new options. We are excited and nervous about our new journey, but truly believe it is what’s best for Alexis. Right now we are exploring curriculum and really like the Waldorf program. Their mission is “to provide young people with the capacity for freedom of thought, empathy and initiative, so they will be able to make meaningful contributions to society and the world”. Lexy likes going to school at home and sometimes asks to do school work on the weekends. She still receives speech therapy twice a week, started a Daisies girl scout’s troop and is making new friends. She is strong willed and challenging, but sweet and loving to a fault. I feel honored to be the one to love and care for her and now to teach her.

Gary Consulting thankfully is staying busy. Monty has been working very hard and the business continues to grow each year. He has several good contractors working for him, and has many new clients.

I love staying home with my kids, it is my favorite and most challenging job I have ever had. I feel grateful I am able to do so. I have always been thrifty, but lately I have been taking it to a whole new level. I have started couponing, buying used, dented, clearance, and of course reusing. It helps me feel like I am contributing, and Monty appreciates the savings.

We bought a travel trailer in September, and absolutely LOVE it. We have been wanting one for some time, because tent camping with the kids (and Monty in that case) is just too much. We got a great deal on it. It’s a 2006 Starcraft with bunk beds for everyone. We have already camped at several music shows and had a blast. I love it because it is like homemaking away from home. Monty loves it because it is air conditioned.
We still have a passion for foster children and for that reason, we are still holding on to our foster parent license. I keep thinking every year our kids will be older (our life more stable) and we will be ready to foster again, but right now we just really aren’t sure. We are available for emergency placements and respite to help out other foster parents, but still are not taking any long term placements.

We have had another year of learning, growing and blessings. Our family grows stronger with every year that passes. As always we are thankful for all of your love, support, encouragement and friendship. Merry Christmas!

Healthcare and our family...

I live in fear because my husband is not able to get health insurance (due to a preexisting condition) and because we are self-employed…I have hope that in 2014 this will change, and I am thankful right now that he is healthy. Our life would be turned upside down if something were to happen to him. We in no way want a free ticket, just affordable healthcare for him (and so many others)…. Right now he has NONE, and has been repeatedly turned down when applied. I am very proud of Monty and anyone that knows him knows what a hard working, amazing, giving man he is. It breaks my heart that he continues to be uninsured and unable to get the health care he needs. The fact that people are trying to get healthcare reform repealed takes my breath away. If you could please just step outside of your four walls and see the effect it has on so many Americans…….. the effects it is having on my family.

Loosing our marbles!

I have been working very hard to find a behavioral program that works in our house. I wanted to figure something out that reinforced the good and squished the bad behaviors, yet was simple enough that everyone (including daddy) could understand. In all my years of working with children I have been trained in 6 different behavioral programs, was a trainer in one and created one of my own. I still find myself, trying to figure out what works with my own children. I don’t want to crush their self-esteem, and still set very clear boundaries.

I have figured out something that is working (so far) and thought I would share it with all the other mama’s out there. In last months Family Fun magazine I read a small blurb about a mom that used marbles to encourage her kids to do chores around the house. This planted the seed for what has become our new marble program. I gathered up an old jelly jar for each of the kids and put their names on them. I painted Rayne’s top blue and Lexy’s pink. Then I found a large jar (for the community marbles). I bought a big box of marbles and filled up the big jar. The kids can earn marbles for any and everything….. cleaning up, sharing, waking up dry, using the potty, listening, really just any positive behavior. They can also loose marbles for any negative behaviors….. like talking back, hitting, not listening and so on. When the kids earn marbles they get to go get them out of the community jar (count them) and put them in their own jar. When the loose marbles they have to go and take them out of their jar and put them back in the big jar. Lexy HATES having to take marbles out of her jar!!! Each behavior (good or bad) has a price, since waking up dry was a big one for Lexy at first she would get 5 marbles for that, now the she is waking up dry almost every day I dropped it down to 3. Then at the end of the week (we are doing it Friday nights) they get to cash in (or bank) their marbles. I have a box of small tokens that cost from 10 marbles to an entire jar. I have small toys, popsicles (they can eat in the tub), walks with daddy around the neighborhood…..in the article I read the lady had older kids and she used money, date night with one parent.

I also let the kids pick out their own stuff to put in their prize box. I am very guilty of buying my kids “little stuff” when we go shopping, but now they know if they get something it goes right in the prize box and they will have to earn it with marbles (good behaviors). I’m sure this sounds very simple and silly, but it truly is working….. I will keep you posted as we progress. It’s also fun when you are out somewhere and you remind the kids “Don’t lose your marbles”…heeheehee

While I am here I will also give you a little update on what has been going on in the Gary house these days. We have really been in a good groove lately. We have swimming (with both kids) twice a week, speech (with Lexy) twice a week, and tumbling. We are also hoping to start occupational therapy with Lexy soon. The kids have made a lot of friends in the neighborhood, and we spend many hours outside playing and planting. We are growing a garden in our yard and go to the beach weekly Monty has plenty of work, but also has a few contractors working for him, so he has been able to spend a little more time at home. He is also playing in the little band at church and he is a real asset to it. I stay busy with gardening (my new found love), looking for fun cheap places for us to go, discount shopping and I am just learning the art of couponing…… boy can it save a lot of money. I have to earn my keep some way. . I am also trying to get organized to start homeschooling in the fall. Life is so so good, and we are grateful!!

Growing and learning...

With my grandma’s passing last weekend I have been doing A LOT of thinking…… about life, motherhood, family, marriage, faith, but mostly about Lexy. I feel scared and sad for her. She has had way too much trauma and pain in her short little life, and even now as hard as I try to protect her, it seems I haven’t been able too. I felt confident and secure in her placement for preschool, but I was wrong. She is misunderstood, and picked on by the other children. I had only become aware of the situation after Christmas break, when I had a conference with her teacher. At this time (for the first time since she has been at this school) her teacher informed me that Lexy’s behaviors had isolated her from the other children in the class. She must have seen the surprise on my face when she told me this, because her response to me was “you had to have known” well I didn’t! I guess parents are the last to know. In our home and in other social situations with other children this has not been an issue. We have been fully aware of her being “overly affectionate” (or sensory seeking), her speech delays, and other learning (processing issues), but nothing we would have ever thought that would make her not accepted in a classroom. She seems so loveable to us. We have worked closely with a therapy group since day one of Lexy moving into our home. Lexy receives speech (from a very seasoned, bright pathologist, twice a week), did pre-k boot camp (through the therapy center), and has received occupational therapy. We have worked very hard to be proactive and aware of Lexy’s behaviors and needs. Next Monty started noticing that she did not like going to school, and when she would walk into the classroom she would get as far away from her classmates as possible. I reached out to my resources (talked with my mom and other seasoned teacher and mom friends) and asked her therapist to observe her in the classroom. She also felt Lexy was not herself. There have been several other incidents including her not getting her juice we pack in her lunch, because she does not ask for it to be opened in the first 5 minutes of lunch time…. the Easter egg hunt fiasco, and other interactions observed. Monty and I have decided to allow her to finish out the last couple weeks at this school. The administration has shown concern and promised to stay close to her during her final days there. Then we have decided that I will home school her next year. This is an exciting, scary new adventure for us. Since her birthday is August 25 just before the cut off of September 1, we sort of have a free year to give it a try. I have just learned of the k12 program with the public school that provides all resources, curriculum, books, and even a teacher to monitor her (our) progress. I think the structure of this program will be helpful for both of us. Her therapy group (which has been our life saver) is also on board to help with curriculum, evaluations, and any other needs we may have.

Lexy is not hard to understand, not for me (and Monty) anyway, maybe it’s because I am her mom. She is affectionate, lovable, kind, silly, funny, stubborn, smart and amazing!! She needs structure, love and understanding. She sometimes needs a little more time to process than other children, but she is bright and as capable as any other child her age. Monty and I have discussed at length with each other, and professionals, and believe in our hearts that we are making the best decision for Lexy. It may not be easy for me, but I am honestly trying to go into it with eyes wide open, and hoping to learn right along with my daughter.

I welcome any resources that anyone knows of. We will also be looking to set up play dates!! I have such a wonderful network of diverse and seasoned parents, I look forward to any ideas and suggestions you may have. Any prayers, or good energy that you can send in our direction would also be greatly appreciated!!