Bitter sweet...

“Our” sweet baby left tonight.  The transporter picked him up around 7:30pm to take him to his grandmother.  We are going to miss him.  We enjoyed having a baby to love on for a little while.  The kids adjusted wonderfully both to him coming and leaving.  They welcomed him into our family with open arms, but they understood that he needed to be with his family. 

He was a happy boy, who seemed very well cared for and loved.  He was on a schedule and slept through the night (besides feedings).  He was clean and had a diaper bag with necessities. 

I believe he should have been with his family from day one.  My understanding of his story is that his mother is deaf and went to see her mental health care provider.  During her appointment the doctor made the decision to backer act her because she was a threat to herself (not her baby).  Then baby K was taken and placed into foster care.  He had relatives that showed up right away wanting to care for him.  The child protective investigator told me the first day he arrived that she saw no reason why his grandma would not get custody, her employment already required a background screening and they just had to complete a home study.  It ended up taking a court order and 11 days before he was reunited with his family.   

I feel compassion for his mother and grandmother.  I try putting myself in their shoes…. what if it was my child and he spent 11 days in a foster home (which sadly some are pretty scary) because I had a problem and the system drug their feet on completing a simple home study on my mother.

I picked up a rubber maid bin and filled it up with all the “stuff” I had gathered for him.  In addition to the bin I had two diaper bags full.  I composed a letter to his family telling them about his time in our home, and gave them my cell number.  I gave it to Monty to proof and he replied “this is how foster care should work”.  That’s all I need to hear and reminded myself that I hopefully made a tiny difference in that family’s life.  I feel the system could have handled this case better, but I am still thankful he came to our home where we have resources and lots of love to share.  I know he was here for a reason, though I don’t fully understand it right now.

Baby K

Monday I got 4 calls from placement for foster children, the first call was for a 2 and 4 year old sibling group, the second call was 11 month old twins, the third call was a newborn just being released from the hospital, and last was a three month old little boy.  We only have room for one baby, so the first two were not even options.  The newborn found a permanent placement, and our little K was dropped off at 9pm.  He is an absolutely beautiful baby, and fairly content and happy.  Both of the kids are very smitten by him and really want to help.  He has really connected to Lexy, he lights up when she walks in the room.  He eats well and sleeps pretty well.  He wakes up about every three hours to eat, but thankfully goes right back to sleep.

What I know of his story is that his mother is deaf and has some mental health issues, and had been baker acted, as of today she was still in the hospital.  Her doctor ordered the baker act because she was a danger to herself.  They have found family members that are willing to take him, but the agency was not able to get the home study completed before court today.  His child protective worker said she sees no reason why he would not be placed with his aunt, but there is also a grandma.  He will be with us through the weekend and possibly next week.  There is not enough staff to complete the home study so he will stay in limbo for several more days. 

My sweet friend (another foster mom) came by Tuesday morning and brought a diaper bag full of clothes his size.  I made a trip to the store and picked him up a few more things.  Now he has everything he needs, and is prepared for his next placement.  I find a lot of joy in gathering “stuff” for our babies.  We will just love on him as long and we can.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service to others.  ~Gandhi

Today

We have had a black/ brown widow spider infestation in our yard, so I have been bravely slaying spiders for several days now.  I’m not too funny about many bugs (except roaches) I usually just leave them alone (unless they are eating my garden). I think my venomous spider body count is up around 30 (not including the egg sacs), .. I am starting to get slightly creped out.  I have found them EVERYWHERE in the yard, but thankfully not in the house!!  With some research and a call to my biologist friend, I have learned that the best way to get rid of them is to go where they hide and kill them. So that’s exactly what I have been doing. There really aren’t sprays that are effective unless you actually spray the spider.  I think I am finally on top of the problem. I cleaned up lots of placed they hide and sprayed some citrus oil to discourage them from returning. The kids spend alot of time outside, and I want to be sure they are safe.

                                                                     

Yesterday our neighborhood stray cat wandered back to my house (after not seeing him for several months), he was lying in my garden.  As I approached him he did not run away, so I knew he must have been very sick.  He had one eye completely missing and infected and the other eye was cloudy.  His skin was thick and swollen, he had sores all over his body, and was very skinny.  I called a local feral cat rescue and they gave me the name of a vet I could take him to.  So I gently lifted him into our cat carrier, and the kids and I took him to the hospital.  I knew the only option for him was to be put down, so we had a long talk on the drive over about what was happening to poor Red.  The vet was super nice and thanked me for bring him in, she said she thought he was blind.  She also warned that he had scabies so I have clean everything he touched with bleach water, because they are transmittable to humans.  It was a sad lesson, but a teaching moment for the kids about humane treatment of animals.  We also helped two gopher tortoises safely cross the road, another lizard egg hatched and released, and founded a giant moth.

I saved the best news for last….I had an appointment with my rheumatologist.  My lupus is NOT active!! In less than a year from diagnosis and treatment my iron and white blood cells are back up to normal levels, and my DNA and ANA tested negative.  I have still been having a lot of pain and fevers.  My doctor said that lupus often bring other autoimmune friends and suggested that something else could be causing my pain.  She talked about the possibilities of fibromyalgia.  Yuck! I was so hopeful that when I got my lupus under control that I would actually feel good.  I have worked so hard to get here, and I AM grateful.  I will continue on the anti-malaria medication, nutritional supplements, and eating a (for the most part) clean healthy diet, hoping that I will be able to get on top of whatever else this is.  I do feel better, and an am confident it will continue to in this direction.

The kids (with help) made their own vision board and talked about their dreams and not just “stuff”.  It was a fun project, and I made it so we can update it as they grow and change.  It’s a good exercise for me too.  I feel the need to be still, quiet and listen, which is very hard for me.  I push so hard to make everything okay, I am learning to accept that somethings I cannot change.  I am grateful for my life and the challenges that I have and will face. 

I found this book Monty gave me for my birthday this year about the year I was born 1977. He edited it and added his own description in it. I found some humor and irony in it.

Baby drill

While I was watching the kids play outside in the rain and mud (our usual summer routine) placement called with an emergency placement of a 6 month old little boy.  I have two appointments scheduled tomorrow. I called my neighbor and fellow foster mom to help me cover during the day, and she was willing.  Placement didn’t tell me much about the little guy except that he was neglected and his 10 year old sister set the house on fire while the parents were not home.  The kids and I got into gear ready to take (and love on) him until they found a permanent placement.  The kids were very excited, Rayne pulled the pack and play out of his room and put it together almost totally by himself, while Lexy put the sheets and blankets on.  We got out the car seat and stroller, and then placement called to let me know that they had already found permanent placement for him... which is great!  The kids were a little sad, because babies are always fun to have around.  It was good news for him,  he wasn’t going to have to bounce from place to place and I really do have a full plate right now anyway.  Everything happens for a reason. Placement knows how to work me and shares the sad storie, that make it hard for me to say no.  We went through the baby drill, and hopefully will be ready the next time there is a little one in need.

We also found another black widow spider on our front porch today, thankfully she (and her mate) were dead.  I have our family pest control guy coming over to take look around tomorrow.  I have never really been afraid of spiders, but I have also never been face to face with a black widow.  I'm getting a little nervous now!

Here is the articlesd about that poor sweet baby and his sister.
http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_east_hillsborough/temple_terrace/police-say-mother-father-made-daughter-run-without-water-kept-baby-in-closet

                                            
http://www.baynews9.com/content/news/baynews9/news/article.html/content/news/articles/bn9/2012/6/6/tampa_couple_charged.html

                                                         

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Yesterday was Monty’s birthday the kids helped me bake him and cake and decorate it.  After dinner and cake Lexy and Rayne took out a few instruments and serenaded him with Happy Birthday for the second time.

A good day for ducks

Just starting to rain

Dancing in the rain