Ripple this holiday

So I am embarrassed to admit it but I have been dreading the holiday season.  Don’t get me wrong I love the time with my family and the joy it brings my children, but I even worry about how healthy it is for them to have and get so much “stuff”. .So with some soul searching, a little help from the internet and a very close mama friend we have a special plan to make Christmas more personal and less commercial.  We are going to focus on giving love instead of receiving stuff.   For the month of December we will complete as many random acts of kindness (love) as possible and document our progress.  We even have a play/kindness date planned on 12-12-12 where together with our friends we will complete 12 acts on one day.  How fun is that!!  Here is the beginning of our list that is growing by the moment.

v      Mail carrier homemade gift/card (fast food card lunch is on us today)

v      Trash man homemade gift/card (fast food card lunch is on us today)

v      Leave quarters on a soda/snack machine with a note

v      A dollar in the dollar store toy section with a note

v      Gather the grocery carts and return them in the store

v      Leave diaper and wipes on a public changing table

v      Care packs for the homeless

v      Clean out toys and donate to charity

v      Clean out clothes and donate to charity

v      Pick up trash

v      Send a thank you letter to a solider

v      Help someone load their groceries in the car

v      Visit a nursing home with lots of hugs

v      Take canned goods to a food bank

v      Collect coins and give to charity

v      Hold the door for someone

v      Leave coins at a laundry mat with a note that says laundry is on us today

v      Write 5 things you like about someone and give it to them

v      Make daddy breakfast in bed

v      Allow someone behind you in line to go ahead of you

v      Place a note on someone’s windshield

v      Take old towels and pet food to an animal shelter

v      Smile and speak to 10 strangers

v      Sweep a neighbors sidewalk

v      Leave candy and a note on a stranger’s door

v      Give bags of microwave popcorn to people in line for redbox

v      Quarters on gumball machines

v      Gatorade to construction/outside workers

v      Shop for stockings for needy kids. (have stockings one for boy and one for girl)

v      Return neighbors trash cans after trash day

v      Tape lottery tickets to gas pumps

v      Hide notes/gifts on a playground for children to find

v     Put change in meters (the courthouse/downtown would be a good place for this)

v      Buy flowers and after paying for them hand them to the cashier and say thank you

v      Bring hot chocolate/coffee to bell ringers

v      Take cookies to the kid’s doctor’s offices and thank them for caring for them all year

We will include a note of love and a rock in the ones we can and visualize a ripple effect. I know a few of the items we will still have to buy “stuff” but it will be in the spirit of giving and minimal.  We will reuse and recycle as much as we can.  The Christmas gifts we give this year we will work to make very personal and give with our hearts since we are limited on money anyway :).  I think these are good habits to teach our kids all year around.  We will not need an “Elf on the Shelf” in our house either.  I prefer my kids to be guided by their hearts and learn to listen to their conscience not behave because a plastic doll is watching them.

A ripple is an amazing part of nature. A rock causes a huge splash at the beginning. There is a middle where the circle is perfect. Then the tiny ripples go out from there. It is a perfect symbol of love and kindness.

 

 

 

The cure for anything is salt water.....

I took Jay to live with his dad on Friday.  His reunification was delayed several times due to “drama”.  I will spare you the details, but I can tell you I no longer think his mother has his best interest at heart.  I believe she is capable of being a good mom and I wish she would.  Friday I went through the painful process of packing him to go home.  I ended up with 8 very large shopping bags overflowing with stuff and had enough formula to last him way past his first birthday.  I received an e-mail from his dad Saturday morning thanking me for everything and telling me that I would always be Jayden’s mom, I could pick him up anytime and stay in his life forever.  This brings me so much comfort… of course I am thrilled to keep in touch with my little man, but mostly because his dad trusts me!  He felt my genuine love for his baby and for this I am thankful.

My mind drifts to him often, wondering if his cold is better and how his first day at daycare was.  I want his teacher to know how snuggly he is and that he loves to dance.  I know he is okay, and I know he is where he should be.  I just miss him.  The kids are handling it amazingly as usual.  They completely loved him and accepted him as a brother the first day he arrived.  Yet they understand that it was time for him to leave..  I got Jay an amber necklace to help with his teething, Rayne had one like it….. Rayne has not taken his off since I put it on Jay.  We all have our own ways of coping and we are!  Being a foster family is not for the weak at heart let me tell you… my kids got this!!   They are loving, accepting and so strong.  They understand our commitment and help me keep perspective.

Saturday after soccer my mom wanted to take the kids fishing.  Honestly I am not a big fan of fishing even though I grew up doing it.  Don’t get me wrong I do love the water, boating, the beach, picking up shells, and swimming.  So we went to the marina where dad has one of his offices and fished off the docks.  Grandma and the kids caught 12 fish all different sizes and kinds.  It was so much fun!!  Lexy caught several fish then found joy in playing in the bait bucket, feeding birds and gathering shells.  Rayne stayed focused and refused to reel his line in until there was a fish on it.  It was just the distraction we all needed.  Thanks Grandma!! 

Little red snapper



Sting ray

 

grunt



grunt




sheephead



Lady fish



Big black drum



Little red fish

Court today

I am so glad I was able to attend court today.  All parties were present and everyone (except the state’s attorney) was still pretty much in agreement with reunification with dad.  The case was presented before the judge and the state’s attorney stated her case against the dad.  They were scheduling the hearing for next month when the case worker spoke up and said we are recommending reunification with the father.  Everyone stopped in their tracks.  She explained that he was a fit parent and pointed to me and explained that I was willing to be a support to him.  The judge made lots of eye contact and nonverbal communication with me and baby Jay.  I gave as many signs of approval and support I could. I finally spoke up and said I believe him to be a good father and see no reason that he should not have his baby.  So she ordered that the state (as they see fit) to reunify baby Jay with his daddy.  As everyone in the court room stood up Jay shouted “yeah” everyone laughed and even though know he did not know what he was doing…. it was all the sign I needed that the right decision for our baby.

 The mom on the other has not completed any of her case plan (the dad has done everything asked of him and more) because her attorney advised her not to, but today she was fighting with her attorney.  She was angry and short with the judge.  All I have seen from her is anger and resentment.  I just want to shake her and say wake up!!  Let go of the hate and get your baby back.  I believe she can be a good mom.

The judge made the father swear that he would not allow the mother to have any contact with Jay. She firmly told him that if he went against this order that Jay would be taken away again and it would be harder for him to get his baby back next time.  The worker on the case only lives 5 minutes away from the dad and said she will be doing unannounced visits. I am not sure if they will be compliant with the judge’s orders. The worker knows that if he returns to care we will take him back.

The case workers supervisor thanked me for coming and told me it made all the difference me being there.  She said it is rare for all parties to be there and on the same page.  To give our family time to say good-by and get his things together she offered to give us until Friday, but the dad came over and said sometime next week would be good, that way he will have time to get daycare set up for him.  I could see in his eyes that he was just trying to give us a little more time. 

I can’t say it is easy and we are not going to miss this little guy so much but I feel confident that the right decision has been made in his behalf.  We get to love on him one more week and I am grateful. 

My adorable salty crew!

We had a fantastic Halloween.  We participated in local trunks of treats, went to the pumpkin patch, carved pumpkins and went trick or treating.  

Pre-trial for baby

Jay’s family has pre-trial tomorrow.  It has been a crazy and complicated case and the system is not making it any easier.  The criminal case on the mom and the no contact order between the parents have both been dropped.  Everyone (except the state’s attorney) is in favor of his dad getting custody of him… yesterday.  He was in no way an offender (if anything a victim) and there has been no assignments given for him to complete in order to get his son back.  Me, the case worker, the GAL, and his assessment are all in favor of his father getting custody.  Here is where it gets complicated no one (except maybe me) is in favor of mom getting him back until she completes some anger management classes and a few other evaluations to make sure she will not put him in danger again.  They have ordered marital counseling and the parents are “dating” again, yet the mom will likely not be able to have contact with the baby.   They have just moved here and don’t have a family support system. The worker has been very clear with Jay’s dad (if he gets him back) if the mother is caught in the home he will be taken away again and it will be much harder for him to get him back next time…. like it has been easy this time.

I personally wish the mom would have acted a little more humble and not minimized her actions that caused him to be hurt BUT she is a good mom and loves her son and it was an accident.  My hope is that him being taken away was enough of a wake up call and with counseling maybe they can be a family again. I don’t have the answers all I know is that I want this sweet baby to have love, safety and permanency.  My heart is telling me that his parents can give him that.

He has grandparents in Chicago that could likely get custody (if the parents don’t) but it would be another move with essentially strangers, and would end the visits with his parents.  Not a great option for Jay and could cause long term attachment issues for him to make another move.  No one other than the parents would really be in favor of this move, but because they are relatives it could likely still happen.

Court is at 9 am but there are 15 cases on the docket in this time slot.  Lexy, Jayden and I will attend.  I hope to be a support to this family and a voice for all of our baby.