Sunshine and Rayne: The new faces of foster moms

In 2009 my mom gave me a book called Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. Years before she gave it to me I saw her speak at a child abuse luncheon while I was working in the foster care system but it was before I became a foster mom and familiar with the GAL program Her book is a memoir of her life in foster care. She spent 10 years and endured some horrible abuse in our local foster care system. I read it the first time in the midst of our process of trying to adopt Alexis. She had tons of workers but like Lexy the one worker that stayed with her through her adoption was the only person not paid and that was her Guardian ad litem. It hits close to home because it is local agency’s we work with or know about. Not to mention it is a story that parallels my daughter’s life and the scary possibilities that could have changed her (and our) life.

Check her out and read her book http://www.rhodes-courter.com/

I heard she was going to be doing a lecture and a book signing for the GAL program so I gathered a few of my favorite foster mom and went to see her speak. I am very blessed to have some very special women (foster mom) friends in my life that inspire and support me. I had picked them up a book to have signed as well. After her moving speech we waited in line to see Ashley. When we talked with her we shared that we were foster moms and she graciously told us how pretty we were and called us “the new faces of foster moms”. She fosters too now. We had our books signed and a picture taken with her. When I look at the picture I feel honored to be standing in the middle of these phenomenal women. They are quietly and tirelessly saving the world one child at a time. I am proud to call them my friends.

Ashley is on the far left the other three are my sweet friends.
I look so tall in this picture... "My friends are small but mighty"

Seeing Ashley’s lecture also prompted me to call Lexy’s guardian. I was overdue in catching up with her and she is also a wonderful mentor in my life. She is very special to our family. I can not possibly thank her enough for her role in Lexy’s life but I do every time we talk anyway. We also catch up on our daily lives how our families are. Kathryn in now a master guardian and has a case load of 13 kids. I thought to myself how happy I am that she is still a guardian and how lucky those kids are to have her assigned to their cases.

As foster moms (especially me dealing with my health issues) we know this role of foster parenting will only last a season and that we will not always be able to take in more children. I believe we (my foster mom friends and I) agree that our next role in advocating for these children will be as their guardians. My friends and I joke about it and say “when we grow up we want to be guardian ad litems”

Lexy with Kathryn on adoption day!!

I have shared Lexy’s story in regards to the role Kathryn had in her life but I thought it would be worth sharing again……

I worked in the system of care with abused children, and parents that required supervised visitation with their kids due to their troubles, for 10 years before my husband and I became foster parents. I thought I was informed, but it wasn’t until the placement of our severely abused foster daughter that I discovered how much I had to learn. During this time I was introduced to a very important person in the lives of our children in care. Tons of people evaluated, looked at, talked to, worked for and on Alexis’ case, but it was undoubtedly her Guardian ad Litem (a volunteer position ) that was most dedicated and worked the hardest to find out what was truly best for her. Before our personal journey I knew very little about the program, but through our process I learned they are really the silent heroes, working for a population of youth that can’t speak for themselves. I can take you back to the day we got the call, and tell you little of our story…

It was April 1 2007…..we received a call from our agency telling us that we were licensed, and asking if we were willing to take in a 19 month old little girl. She was being released from a week in the hospital due to abuse. Of course we jumped at the opportunity to care for her. Our worker warned us that she was pretty beaten up, so we would be “prepared” when she arrived. Nothing could have prepared us for the way she looked when she came to our home. She had multiple skull fractures, two black eyes, bruising all around her neck and cheeks, and most of her hair had been pulled out. She was skinny and pale, but she came into our home with a huge smile, laughing, hugging and trusting. She was assigned a case worker (we had 3 of those, before she was adopted), a child protection investigator, a behavioral specialist, and our family development specialist….just off the top of my head. Many of them were kind and helpful, but Lexy’s guardian was the ONLY worker that was with her from the very beginning until the day of adoption. Kathryn St. Clair was Alexis’s Guardian ad Litem (or what I like to call her Guardian Angel). Kathryn is a retired CEO of a non-profit who lives in Sun City Center. She devotes much of her time to volunteer organizations, one of those thankfully being the GAL program. Kathryn visited our house monthly, occasionally unannounced, to talk with us and check on Lexy’s progress. She would tour our home for safety and assure Lexy had everything she needed to thrive. This was our first foster child; we would not even have known that we were allowed to go to the court hearings if Kathryn had not encouraged us to so we could stay informed to better care for Alexis. It also helped the judge see our dedication to her.

Alexis’s mom was charged with the abuse and signed surrenders of her maternal rights. Her case went to trial and she spent 2 years in prison and is now serving 5 years of probation. Lexy has a maternal sister that was taken in by her paternal grandmother, but since she was not related to Alexis she was not willing to take her too. Her father has a total of 4 children with 3 different women. One had already been adopted, two live with their mother (that he was not paying child support for) and then there was Lexy. At the time Alexis was taken, he was unemployed and living with a friend. He was given a case plan to work to get custody of her, which consisted of only 6 months of stable housing and employment. At that time he also told the case worker that his parents were willing to take Alexis, but the case worker got little response from them. Kathryn heard this and took the 40 mile drive to the grandparent’s home right away. They expressed concern for her and wanted to assure she was safe and loved (they were understandably scared of the foster care system), but did not really want to start over with a 2 year old. They had raised 16 children between them and were overwhelmed at the thought of starting over. Kathryn assured them that Lexy was in a safe home. She reported her finding to the case worker who just continued on with their home study for placement. She also shared with us about her visit, and their willingness to meet us. I set up a meeting right away (against the case workers advice) so they could get acquainted with us, see our home and know that their granddaughter was loved and cared for. Our meeting went great they seemed relieved that she was safe and happy. They contacted the case worker and let her know that as long as Lexy stayed in our home they would not be interested in taking custody. Lexy’s father’s time finally ran out and his rights were terminated. On November 23, 2008 national adoption day, sitting beside Kathryn (her guardian angel) Lexy was made a forever member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind that Lexy’s story could have ended quite differently had she not had Kathryn, her Guardian ad Litem advocating for her.