Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Hardest blog I have ever written

I started blogging to keep a record for my children and to keep family and friends up to date on what is going on in our lives.  Over the years it has become therapeutic and I have found joy and comfort in sharing our family news both happy and challenging.  I have also learned that in sharing my story I can’t leave parts out for fear of judgment or embarrassment.  If it is going to be helpful to anyone else I have to be honest and real.  This entry brings tons of heartache but hopefully some healing as well.

For the past several months I have avoided blogging because our family has been in a painful transition.  In the beginning of June Monty and I separated and are now going through a divorce. I feel ashamed and like a failure.  Marriage is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I was not successful at it.  The divorce process is painful and hard for everyone involved.  When a couple does not agree in marriage it is not likely they will agree through a separation either.  The good news is what Monty and I do agree on is parenting and at this point it is what is most important.  We both love our children and want to minimize the impact on them.

I have made so many mistakes along this journey…. I often think to myself if I could go back I would change so much, but then I think of how grateful I am for my life right now even amidst these challenges.  I am grateful for Monty and the years we have had together.  He has blessed me in so many ways I would not be who I am today without him.

So today I am just putting one foot in front of the other.  Emotionally exhausted and fragile but hopeful and looking forward to the day when I can look back and be grateful for the experience and reflect on how much I learned in the process.



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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 31, 2013 at 5:07 AM

    Keep your chin up, darlin! You are not even close to a failure. LOVE YOU! ~Amber

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  2. Linda RuescherOctober 31, 2013 at 6:46 AM

    Failure is not in ending a relationship, but in staying in an unhealthy relationship based on some notion of "forever." Till death do us part worked when the average life expectancy was 40 not when it is 80 or more. Success is doing the right thing for all of you. Your kids need a model of "healthy" not hanging in there because you are afraid to be seen like a failure. Donna Reed and Beaver Cleaver are not more. Just like lupus makes you create a new normal, so does the transition out of a relationship. You are strong and smart and you can do this.

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  3. RyTyNovember 6, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    To quote a friend, "I am woman, hear me roar!" ;) You are so super strong and this is just another hurdle you will overcome. Can't wait to see you and the kiddos in May.

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