May is National Foster Care Month

Last month I was honored to have an article written about me and my Lexy's story in the local part of the Tampa Tribune called The South Shore News. It was a sweet article that made me sound good (by the talented and kind Lois Kindle) and a picture that made me look good (by my friend Amy with Abandoned Photography) and I am grateful to Lois for writing it and all the love that has come from it.  The truth is I am a very small fish in a huge ocean of people who help children.  I know some seriously extraordinary people in the lives of abused, abandoned and neglected children that deserve an article written about the way more then I do.  Families that foster older children and teens, sibling groups and continue to open their hearts and homes over and over after heartbreak and loss.  Guardian ad litems that do not get paid a dime but devote their lives insuring these children's best interest is heard in court.  Foster moms that created and organize clothing closets for foster families and children as well as have a home full of foster children.  The list goes on and on!!

May is National Foster Care month, so it gives me a good excuse to step back up on my soap box.  Listen you don't have to be extraordinary to foster.  You don't have to make a lot of money, be married, live in a big house, be a certain gender, race or religion. The truth is I live in a small home on a postage stamp lot, I am separated and in the process of a divorce, my finances are tight and have lupus. Really all you need is love.

http://tbo.com/south-shore/riverview-foster-mom-gives-children-a-loving-start-20140416/

The perfect fit!

Life had been a little busy around here with a few challenges, but thankfully a lot of light.

"There's a darkness upon you that's flooded in light
And in the fine print they tell you what's wrong and what's right
And it flies by day and it flies by night
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it"
 "Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise" Avett Brothers

My last foster placement “Maddie” (this is just what I called her, I do not post her real name due to confidentiality) went to live with her legal grandparents.  We have visited with her a couple times since she moved. Her grandma has been kind enough to keep in touch and even send me beautiful professional pictures they had taken of her.  Her grandmother and I are friends now and I believe that as long as she is in sweet Maddie’s life I will be able to stay in touch and watch her grow up.  She is getting so big and thriving with them, perhaps even a little spoiled :).  The long term plan for her is that the grandparent’s will keep her until the case finishes (like foster parents do) and if mom is able to complete her case plan she will go live with her, but if not baby girl will move out of state and live with her legal dad.  If I am honest another detachment in this baby’s life worries me, but for now she is safe and very much loved and I have peace with that. I also know that the kids and I will see her again soon and I am grateful!

Saying Good-bye <3

It wasn’t long after Maddie left just a week or so (the very beginning of February) I got a call for another newborn baby girl.  She was two days old and just being released from the hospital.  The mom made statements in the hospital that worried the nurses and upon more investigation it was determined that she was not able to keep her baby safe.  She was 48 years old at the time of “Kat's” birth and has another adult child with severe developmental delays living in the home.  Her mom also has a boyfriend with a pretty serious criminal wrap sheet, so with the concerns about housing and income it will be a long road for this mom.  She is a lovely woman and dearly loves her baby, but has major mental and situational challenges.  Kat has an awful case worker that has horrible communication among other things.  Thankfully she has an amazing guardian (they are always a light for these children) that will not let anything slip through the cracks.  Kat was a very good baby and barely cried the first 2 months of her life.. she has since found her voice.  She is still super sweet, but now she has an opinion about how things are done around here now. There is some worry about the possibility of downs or other genetic issues (many of which there is no official test for) it is just a matter of waiting to see how she develops.  My pediatrician does not seem overly concerned and at this point neither am I.  I will love her and take care of her the same either way.  She is a precious baby and I feel blessed to be her mama for however long she needs me.

My foster care re-license has to be completed by March so we start the process in January/February. It's just a matter of getting all my documentation together, health inspections, everyone physicals, trainings, shots for the pets up to date and so on.  This year I had converted the once garage, then office, now into a nursery for foster babies.  It was fun picking out paint and gathering furniture, between craigslist and hand-me-downs it was defiantly a design on a dime. Now that the new room is finished it is possible for me to have two open beds for babies.  So I relicensed for the first time as a single foster mom and for the first time for two children.  I didn’t plan on immediately taking another baby, but I wanted to be prepared just in case.  Last weekend the calls for baby #2 started coming in. The first was a one year old little boy that was walking.  I had to say no, if I was going to take a placement it needed to be close to the same age as Allie so I could get them on the same schedule.  Next call was a 2 month old little girl with medical issues. Sadly again I had to say no since she would have many doctors appointments. I have to maintain a balance and have the time for my kids as well.  Apparently there are way more babies coming into care right now than there are homes for them.

Then I got the call about “Bug” a 5 month old little girl needing to move into her third home since she was born.  She is the baby of a very young girl who is also in foster care.  She was first placed in a home with her mom, but due to her mom’s issues she had to be moved. The next foster mom was diagnosed with major health issues and needed to take care of herself, so she came to me.  She is an incredibly happy and easy baby. Bug has quickly fallen into the exact same schedule as Kat.  They both have reflux so my laundry is a little crazy and it is getting hard to fit all the car seats in the car, but other than that it has been a surprisingly easy transition.  Truthfully I was very scared to take another placement.  I want to make sure I can balance everything and give every child (including my big kids) the time and attention they deserve, but again everything happens for a reason and we got the perfect placement for our family. 

Then there is Dharma Soul our sweet black lab puppy.  I had finally decided to take the leap and get a dog (mostly for the kids of course).  Animal services here is a very high kill shelter so I knew this is where I wanted to adopt.  Adopting from a shelter like this also comes with the risk of the dog having behavioral issues not to mention almost every animal comes out with some kind of (mostly treatable) health problems.  My biggest requirement was that the dog not have one ounce of aggression and love kids.  So I rescued with the intent to rehome if it did not work out.  Over the last several months I became the foster (transitional home) for three other dogs before we found Dharma.  The kids loved the rescue process and learned so much.  The first three dogs were great dogs that I found great homes they were just not a good match for our family.  Dharma is a lover though she did need some minor medical attention and potty training to get over her rocky start in life.  She loves every cat, dog, kitten, puppy, kid, baby or adult she meets and since we have a lot of all of those in and out of our home she too is a perfect fit.

Meeting dogs at the shelter

Dharma Soul

Road trip

 Before Bug was placed with us the big kids and I were considering (but not now) fostering litters of kittens again.  It is kitten season and there is always huge need this time of year.  We did take in one little boy kitten to foster we named him Sunshine Daydream, but I think he is going to stick around believe it or not he fits too.  

Sunshine and Pilot

Sunshine

 




The first of June I will have been physically separated from my husband for a year.  The divorce is awful and I hate it for everyone involved, but mostly the kids.  Him and I are defiantly not on the same page anymore.  I mentally go back through the steps of my life and my marriage and think where did it go wrong? How did we possible end up here?  My whole vision of how my life would be has totally changed... it's a scary and sad reality, that I have had to accept.  No doubt I have screwed up my fair share, but I am learning to accept that even the mistakes I make (and the pain I go through) happen for a reason. There wasn’t one wrong turn or one bad choice that brought us here.  I am not by any means proud that my marriage failed, but it did and I am accepting it. I have to move on with my dreams, my passions and provide a happy and healthy life for my children and that is exactly what I am doing.

Rayne is still in soccer, and I believe this could be his sport.  He is so good at it and has made some really nice friends that he has been playing with several years now.  He is super athletic and all boy.  He loves fishing with grandpa and anything to do with being outdoors.  He likes fixing stuff and being the “man” of the house.  He is way out numbered and takes care of all us girls.  He is a sensitive boy and becoming quite the gentleman. 

Lexy has made leaps and bounds with her reading this year.  She is going to continue schooling through the summer which I think works best for her.  I love her virtual school teacher and the flexibility she give us. She decided to play soccer again this season even though it’s not her favorite thing, she does like making friends and the exercise is good for her.  She loves playing outside with the neighborhood kids and is such a girlie girl.  Her favorite accessory now is knee high rainbow socks and she believes they match everything.

 

We had a great Easter we went to church with my mom and dad and had our annual egg hunt and family time at their house after. We even managed to squeeze in a camping trip at Little Manatee River State Park last month. When I wait so long to blog it sounds like my life is totally crazy, but it has been more than 6 months since I posted so I had a lot to catch up on.

The whole story

Time for a baby girl update.  Every foster placement and case is unique but this one was particularly interesting. 


Maddie was placed with me on September 4 after spending a month in the hospital for being premature. Here is a quick recap on how she made it to me....  Her mom has had lots struggles with mental illness and drug use.  She allegedly came to visit her daughter in the hospital under the influence.  The nurses caring for her baby reported her and it was determined that it would not be safe for Maddie to go home to her mother at this time. 


Upon arriving at my home Maddie weighed only 6 lbs she was tiny and demanding.  I forgot the challenges of a brand new baby and how exhausting getting up every 2 hours is.  She was also beautiful and sweet.  She quickly out grew her preemie status and met all her milestones. She went from a demanding newborn to a sweet, happy baby that won the affection of everyone that met her.  She was bright, and engaging and brought so much joy into our home. 


Maddie's mom was not a viable placement and neither was her bio father or any other bio family at this time.  So that left legal family... Maddie's mom was married years ago to a man and since they never filed the paperwork for a divorce his family has legal rights to her.  They have been separated for many years and he now lives out of state (with his girlfriend) and because Maddie's mom is local (thankfully) they will not move her that far at this time (this will at least give her mom a chance to visit and get her back), but since his parents (legal grandparents) are local they decided they wanted to "foster" her until the case plays out.  Then their plan is to move her out of state to the legal dad.  To me this seems like too many detachments for child.  If the plan is to just foster why not keep her in the foster home that she has already bonded to.  Permanency for children is suppose to be found with in a year but that NEVER happens so she likely have to move again when she is two or older.  It is hard on children to be up rooted from all they know and start over again and again.  It would have been different had they moved her to her legal family from the hospital... after all they had a month to figure out placement they knew she wasn't going home with her mom but 5 months is too long.  I worry that this arrangement will also not give her mom a fair shake since the parents of her ex will be supervising her visits from now on.


So today I packed up all the "stuff" I had gathered and bought for her.  This is always the most emotional part for me... I can't ever seem to pack enough to ensure that my babies will be safe loved.  My mom reminded me that's because the "stuff" is the least important (and I know this) but at this point in the process it is all I have left I can do for her and took her to her new placement.