May is National Foster Care Month

Last month I was honored to have an article written about me and my Lexy's story in the local part of the Tampa Tribune called The South Shore News. It was a sweet article that made me sound good (by the talented and kind Lois Kindle) and a picture that made me look good (by my friend Amy with Abandoned Photography) and I am grateful to Lois for writing it and all the love that has come from it.  The truth is I am a very small fish in a huge ocean of people who help children.  I know some seriously extraordinary people in the lives of abused, abandoned and neglected children that deserve an article written about the way more then I do.  Families that foster older children and teens, sibling groups and continue to open their hearts and homes over and over after heartbreak and loss.  Guardian ad litems that do not get paid a dime but devote their lives insuring these children's best interest is heard in court.  Foster moms that created and organize clothing closets for foster families and children as well as have a home full of foster children.  The list goes on and on!!

May is National Foster Care month, so it gives me a good excuse to step back up on my soap box.  Listen you don't have to be extraordinary to foster.  You don't have to make a lot of money, be married, live in a big house, be a certain gender, race or religion. The truth is I live in a small home on a postage stamp lot, I am separated and in the process of a divorce, my finances are tight and have lupus. Really all you need is love.

http://tbo.com/south-shore/riverview-foster-mom-gives-children-a-loving-start-20140416/

The perfect fit!

Life had been a little busy around here with a few challenges, but thankfully a lot of light.

"There's a darkness upon you that's flooded in light
And in the fine print they tell you what's wrong and what's right
And it flies by day and it flies by night
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it"
 "Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise" Avett Brothers

My last foster placement “Maddie” (this is just what I called her, I do not post her real name due to confidentiality) went to live with her legal grandparents.  We have visited with her a couple times since she moved. Her grandma has been kind enough to keep in touch and even send me beautiful professional pictures they had taken of her.  Her grandmother and I are friends now and I believe that as long as she is in sweet Maddie’s life I will be able to stay in touch and watch her grow up.  She is getting so big and thriving with them, perhaps even a little spoiled :).  The long term plan for her is that the grandparent’s will keep her until the case finishes (like foster parents do) and if mom is able to complete her case plan she will go live with her, but if not baby girl will move out of state and live with her legal dad.  If I am honest another detachment in this baby’s life worries me, but for now she is safe and very much loved and I have peace with that. I also know that the kids and I will see her again soon and I am grateful!

Saying Good-bye <3

It wasn’t long after Maddie left just a week or so (the very beginning of February) I got a call for another newborn baby girl.  She was two days old and just being released from the hospital.  The mom made statements in the hospital that worried the nurses and upon more investigation it was determined that she was not able to keep her baby safe.  She was 48 years old at the time of “Kat's” birth and has another adult child with severe developmental delays living in the home.  Her mom also has a boyfriend with a pretty serious criminal wrap sheet, so with the concerns about housing and income it will be a long road for this mom.  She is a lovely woman and dearly loves her baby, but has major mental and situational challenges.  Kat has an awful case worker that has horrible communication among other things.  Thankfully she has an amazing guardian (they are always a light for these children) that will not let anything slip through the cracks.  Kat was a very good baby and barely cried the first 2 months of her life.. she has since found her voice.  She is still super sweet, but now she has an opinion about how things are done around here now. There is some worry about the possibility of downs or other genetic issues (many of which there is no official test for) it is just a matter of waiting to see how she develops.  My pediatrician does not seem overly concerned and at this point neither am I.  I will love her and take care of her the same either way.  She is a precious baby and I feel blessed to be her mama for however long she needs me.

My foster care re-license has to be completed by March so we start the process in January/February. It's just a matter of getting all my documentation together, health inspections, everyone physicals, trainings, shots for the pets up to date and so on.  This year I had converted the once garage, then office, now into a nursery for foster babies.  It was fun picking out paint and gathering furniture, between craigslist and hand-me-downs it was defiantly a design on a dime. Now that the new room is finished it is possible for me to have two open beds for babies.  So I relicensed for the first time as a single foster mom and for the first time for two children.  I didn’t plan on immediately taking another baby, but I wanted to be prepared just in case.  Last weekend the calls for baby #2 started coming in. The first was a one year old little boy that was walking.  I had to say no, if I was going to take a placement it needed to be close to the same age as Allie so I could get them on the same schedule.  Next call was a 2 month old little girl with medical issues. Sadly again I had to say no since she would have many doctors appointments. I have to maintain a balance and have the time for my kids as well.  Apparently there are way more babies coming into care right now than there are homes for them.

Then I got the call about “Bug” a 5 month old little girl needing to move into her third home since she was born.  She is the baby of a very young girl who is also in foster care.  She was first placed in a home with her mom, but due to her mom’s issues she had to be moved. The next foster mom was diagnosed with major health issues and needed to take care of herself, so she came to me.  She is an incredibly happy and easy baby. Bug has quickly fallen into the exact same schedule as Kat.  They both have reflux so my laundry is a little crazy and it is getting hard to fit all the car seats in the car, but other than that it has been a surprisingly easy transition.  Truthfully I was very scared to take another placement.  I want to make sure I can balance everything and give every child (including my big kids) the time and attention they deserve, but again everything happens for a reason and we got the perfect placement for our family. 

Then there is Dharma Soul our sweet black lab puppy.  I had finally decided to take the leap and get a dog (mostly for the kids of course).  Animal services here is a very high kill shelter so I knew this is where I wanted to adopt.  Adopting from a shelter like this also comes with the risk of the dog having behavioral issues not to mention almost every animal comes out with some kind of (mostly treatable) health problems.  My biggest requirement was that the dog not have one ounce of aggression and love kids.  So I rescued with the intent to rehome if it did not work out.  Over the last several months I became the foster (transitional home) for three other dogs before we found Dharma.  The kids loved the rescue process and learned so much.  The first three dogs were great dogs that I found great homes they were just not a good match for our family.  Dharma is a lover though she did need some minor medical attention and potty training to get over her rocky start in life.  She loves every cat, dog, kitten, puppy, kid, baby or adult she meets and since we have a lot of all of those in and out of our home she too is a perfect fit.

Meeting dogs at the shelter

Dharma Soul

Road trip

 Before Bug was placed with us the big kids and I were considering (but not now) fostering litters of kittens again.  It is kitten season and there is always huge need this time of year.  We did take in one little boy kitten to foster we named him Sunshine Daydream, but I think he is going to stick around believe it or not he fits too.  

Sunshine and Pilot

Sunshine

 




The first of June I will have been physically separated from my husband for a year.  The divorce is awful and I hate it for everyone involved, but mostly the kids.  Him and I are defiantly not on the same page anymore.  I mentally go back through the steps of my life and my marriage and think where did it go wrong? How did we possible end up here?  My whole vision of how my life would be has totally changed... it's a scary and sad reality, that I have had to accept.  No doubt I have screwed up my fair share, but I am learning to accept that even the mistakes I make (and the pain I go through) happen for a reason. There wasn’t one wrong turn or one bad choice that brought us here.  I am not by any means proud that my marriage failed, but it did and I am accepting it. I have to move on with my dreams, my passions and provide a happy and healthy life for my children and that is exactly what I am doing.

Rayne is still in soccer, and I believe this could be his sport.  He is so good at it and has made some really nice friends that he has been playing with several years now.  He is super athletic and all boy.  He loves fishing with grandpa and anything to do with being outdoors.  He likes fixing stuff and being the “man” of the house.  He is way out numbered and takes care of all us girls.  He is a sensitive boy and becoming quite the gentleman. 

Lexy has made leaps and bounds with her reading this year.  She is going to continue schooling through the summer which I think works best for her.  I love her virtual school teacher and the flexibility she give us. She decided to play soccer again this season even though it’s not her favorite thing, she does like making friends and the exercise is good for her.  She loves playing outside with the neighborhood kids and is such a girlie girl.  Her favorite accessory now is knee high rainbow socks and she believes they match everything.

 

We had a great Easter we went to church with my mom and dad and had our annual egg hunt and family time at their house after. We even managed to squeeze in a camping trip at Little Manatee River State Park last month. When I wait so long to blog it sounds like my life is totally crazy, but it has been more than 6 months since I posted so I had a lot to catch up on.

The whole story

Time for a baby girl update.  Every foster placement and case is unique but this one was particularly interesting. 


Maddie was placed with me on September 4 after spending a month in the hospital for being premature. Here is a quick recap on how she made it to me....  Her mom has had lots struggles with mental illness and drug use.  She allegedly came to visit her daughter in the hospital under the influence.  The nurses caring for her baby reported her and it was determined that it would not be safe for Maddie to go home to her mother at this time. 


Upon arriving at my home Maddie weighed only 6 lbs she was tiny and demanding.  I forgot the challenges of a brand new baby and how exhausting getting up every 2 hours is.  She was also beautiful and sweet.  She quickly out grew her preemie status and met all her milestones. She went from a demanding newborn to a sweet, happy baby that won the affection of everyone that met her.  She was bright, and engaging and brought so much joy into our home. 


Maddie's mom was not a viable placement and neither was her bio father or any other bio family at this time.  So that left legal family... Maddie's mom was married years ago to a man and since they never filed the paperwork for a divorce his family has legal rights to her.  They have been separated for many years and he now lives out of state (with his girlfriend) and because Maddie's mom is local (thankfully) they will not move her that far at this time (this will at least give her mom a chance to visit and get her back), but since his parents (legal grandparents) are local they decided they wanted to "foster" her until the case plays out.  Then their plan is to move her out of state to the legal dad.  To me this seems like too many detachments for child.  If the plan is to just foster why not keep her in the foster home that she has already bonded to.  Permanency for children is suppose to be found with in a year but that NEVER happens so she likely have to move again when she is two or older.  It is hard on children to be up rooted from all they know and start over again and again.  It would have been different had they moved her to her legal family from the hospital... after all they had a month to figure out placement they knew she wasn't going home with her mom but 5 months is too long.  I worry that this arrangement will also not give her mom a fair shake since the parents of her ex will be supervising her visits from now on.


So today I packed up all the "stuff" I had gathered and bought for her.  This is always the most emotional part for me... I can't ever seem to pack enough to ensure that my babies will be safe loved.  My mom reminded me that's because the "stuff" is the least important (and I know this) but at this point in the process it is all I have left I can do for her and took her to her new placement. 

Hardest blog I have ever written

I started blogging to keep a record for my children and to keep family and friends up to date on what is going on in our lives.  Over the years it has become therapeutic and I have found joy and comfort in sharing our family news both happy and challenging.  I have also learned that in sharing my story I can’t leave parts out for fear of judgment or embarrassment.  If it is going to be helpful to anyone else I have to be honest and real.  This entry brings tons of heartache but hopefully some healing as well.

For the past several months I have avoided blogging because our family has been in a painful transition.  In the beginning of June Monty and I separated and are now going through a divorce. I feel ashamed and like a failure.  Marriage is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I was not successful at it.  The divorce process is painful and hard for everyone involved.  When a couple does not agree in marriage it is not likely they will agree through a separation either.  The good news is what Monty and I do agree on is parenting and at this point it is what is most important.  We both love our children and want to minimize the impact on them.

I have made so many mistakes along this journey…. I often think to myself if I could go back I would change so much, but then I think of how grateful I am for my life right now even amidst these challenges.  I am grateful for Monty and the years we have had together.  He has blessed me in so many ways I would not be who I am today without him.

So today I am just putting one foot in front of the other.  Emotionally exhausted and fragile but hopeful and looking forward to the day when I can look back and be grateful for the experience and reflect on how much I learned in the process.

It's a circus

It takes a little time to figure out who everyone is and their roles in the life of a foster baby that has been placed in your home.  I’m not sure I have my head around this one yet…..

The worker came yesterday for a home visit and filled me in on baby Maddie’s family and case she described court as a “circus”.

Maddie has a legal dad because her mother was married to a man years ago and they never officially divorced. They have been separated for years and both of their lives have moved on.  The legal dad lives out of state but flew in (with his girlfriend of  many years) for the court hearing and announced that he wanted custody of Maddie.  Again there is no blood relation and he and Maddie’s mom have been separated years.  It is making everyone scratch their head.  The worker believes it is strictly to get back at Maddy’s mom.  The mom is going to quickly file for divorce but he or his family could still be a placement option.

She also has a bio father that has not shown up to court and has past criminal charges that would keep him from being a viable option for placement now. Maddie’s mother is living with the bio dad’s mom and cousin and they have asked for custody of her.  The grandma is partially disabled and the cousin has to go away to “work” somewhere for three months.  The home has mold and would need to be cleaned up before placing the baby there so that also will not be an option at this point. There are a few other players that but at this time are not worth mentioning.

Maddy’s mom has accepted that she needs help and has been extremely honest about her mental health and years of drug issues.  She is completing assignments on her case plan before even being ordered by the court.  The worker thinks she is genuine and just need someone to believe in her.  Well it looks like Maddie came to the right home because if this mom is real I want to be on her team!  I want to help her get her baby back or at least be a mother to her in whatever capacity she is able.  The worker is going to get her some clothes and take her for job interviews next week.  We will also plan a visit were I can meet her hopefully give her some comfort about who is caring for her baby.  The worker asked if I could be at the next court hearing and was very appreciative at my openness to meet her.  Who know what will happen in little Maddie’s life what I do know is everything happens for a reason and she is here with us now and I want to love her and support her mom anyway I can.

Maddie is very healthy and quickly outgrowing her preemie status.  She is a good eater and beautiful.  A little high maintenance but I guess that’s to be expected at her age.

 

 

 

Quick family update:

My procedure was a little more complicated than thought and my recovery was longer than I planned.  Everything turned out okay and besides the bills that are pouring in I am happy to have it behind me.

The kids are back in full swing of soccer.  Every one of our foster kittens has been adopted.  Besides being exhausted from a newborns schedule we are all well.

 

 

Long overdue...

Whew I can’t believe it has been almost 6 months since I posted an update.  Not sure I will be able to totally catch up because we have had tons going on but I will try.  

 

Since my last update I have had an iron infusion, we took a Disney trip with grandma, a camping trip to our favorite festival OBJ and to Ft. Desoto, started fostering cats/kittens through a crazy kitten season, Lexy turned 8 and had a rainbow celebration and we took in a one month old little girl foster placement….. yikes I didn’t realize how busy we really were until I saw it typed out.

 At the end of April I finally went in to have an iron infusion.  My doctors had been encouraging me for sometime to have one but it was expensive and inconvenient so I kept putting it off.  My levels continued to creep down and I was feeling pretty rung out. My doctor warned me that if it continued to drop I could be looking at a blood transfusion instead… nobody wants that.  It took most of one day at the cancer center to get the iron infused in my blood and the procedure was super easy and painless.  The days after turned out to be a lot harder on me than expected.  I had almost a week of the worst flu symptoms ever but after the side effects subsided I began slowly feeling better and continue to do so.  In my labs last week my levels were almost in the normal range. Thank goodness.  I am glad I did it and am glad it is behind me.  My hope is that it triggered my body to start working properly again and I will never have to do that again.

The month of May begin with mama taking me and the kids to Disney for a few days.  She has a Disney card that she had been saving points on for a few years.  We stayed in one of the Disney hotels and had so much fun.  We planned and shopped ahead to save money.  We stocked up on Disney stuff from clearance racks and the dollar store. We all counted down the days until the trip.  We also packed matching outfits and special snacks and lunches for each day.  We spent 2 nights and 3 days in the magic kingdom it was truly magical.  Grandma’s have a way of making everything so special.

 

Mid May the kids and I packed up the camper and headed to Orange Blossom Jamboree our favorite camping festival of the year.  It was my first time pulling and setting up the camper by myself.  Of course I had friends waiting to help me get it parked and set up when we arrived.  OBJ is filled with lots of love, friends, music, nature, art and kids activities.  It is something we enjoy and look forward to every year and this year did not disappoint.

http://www.orangeblossomjamboree.com/

In June we decided that we were ready for new kittens since the loss of our sweet Sunny.  I found a rescue that had several to choose from and we adopted Rayne’s kitten that he named “Tomcat Pilot in the Sunshine” and Lexy’s “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.  We also saw that there was a huge need for foster homes for cats and kittens during kitten season so we signed up to help.  Through the season we were able to rescue and find homes for 10 kittens/cats.  We have one little guy left to find a home for and have decided to take a break until next kitten season.  It was a very fun and rewarding and I think a great learning experience for the kids.

 

http://www.stfrancisrescue.org/animals/cats

Pilot and Lucy

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Tomcat Pilot in the Sunshine

Our last little guy looking for a home. Lake

Mid August I began to get the itch to camp and get away so the kids packed up the camper again and headed to Ft. Desoto a few days with my friend (the kid’s Aunt) Jackie.  We had a gorgeous site right on the water and enjoyed the nature (even the raccoons that tried to steal our food) and much needed time away.  Again I was feeling empowered by pulling and setting up the camper myself.  I had a few little hiccups with the awning and gas but made and through and had a great get away.

http://fortdesoto.com/



August 25 Lexy turned 8 and she requested a rainbow birthday party.  It was so fun!!  We invited our friends the Campbell’s… one of the great things about being in the foster family community is many of our friends have very large families so we only have to invite one family and it’s a party.  Our village came together and made Lexy girl feel very special.  She is such an amazing little girl and deserves grand celebrations.  

 

I had put our name back on the placement list for a foster baby a while back but it was on my mom’s birthday September 4^th we got the call for a one month old preemie little girl. She spent a month in the hospital but was healthy and strong enough to be released to our home.  She is beautiful and sweet!  Her mom is facing lots of challenges right and she could not be released to her.  Allegedly the mom is having mental health issues and also problems with drug use.  She used while pregnant but thankfully sweet M tested negative.  She came to visit her baby in the hospital under the influence and the nurses reported it.  When the investigator went to the home she also found her to be under the influence and hazards in the home that prevented M from being safe.  There are also several men involved with a history of domestic violence.  The good new is since M was taken her mom has really stepped up and is getting her “work” done before even ordered by the court.  No doubt she has lots of challenges ahead but perhaps this is just the wake up call she needed.  For now we are happy to have her and care for her and plan to love on her for as long as she is here.

Not long after the placement of the baby I started feeling a little under the weather.  I chucked it up to stress, exhaustion, and poor diet due to meeting the around the clock demands of a newborn.  Last week it got unbearable and when getting up for M’s morning feeding I nearly passed out.  I made an appointment I went to see my beloved rheumatologist.  I told her of my dizziness, heart pounding, shortness of breath and all over feeling yuck.  She listened to me and quickly took an EKG.  My heart rate was 150 (normal is 70) and irregular.  She insisted I see a cardiologist as soon as possible.  Thankfully Monty has a good report with one that he works for and they got me in the next day.  He diagnosed me with a heart condition called supraventricular tachycardia which is a very treatable.  It is something I was born with and usually shows in women around the age of 40.  My understanding of it is I have two currents in my heart and most people have one the cardiologist told me that my heart can not maintain the way it is working now.  I have the procedure scheduled to fix it next Wednesday at Pepin Heart Institute.  The surgeon come highly recommended and I feel like I am in great hands.  They get to my heart from a vein in my leg and cut off the extra current.  If it is on the side that they can easily get I could be released that day (that is what I am planning on) if it is on the other side I will likely have to spend the night because they will have to cut through my heart to get to the problem.  I have peace with the procedure and such an amazing of network of love and support.  My sweet friend Karen (also a foster mom) is helping me with M until the procedure.  I have family and friends offering to take care of all of us and anything we need.  From what I understand it is a straight forward procedure with a quick recovery. Every challenge I face it just reinforces just how very blessed I am.

We have started back homeschooling and soccer starts next week.  I have to be back up and running very quickly …..Everyone knows mama’s don’t have time to be sick.