I simply don't feel good

I try to stay positive and don’t love posting these updates, but they are necessary (and therapeutic) if I am being honest and open. Even with the beautiful weather, love, support, self talk and reality of my good life…. I simply don’t feel good!!  Unfortunately no matter how hard I try I am not able to will myself to physically feel better. Monty asked me this afternoon if I thought I was “going under” again.  I really don’t know, all I know is that it is tough when you are not well a lot of the time. 

 The kids had soccer this morning.  They both started a YMCA team that meets at SouthShore UMC.  Lexy started last week, but this was Rayne’s first time.  He was so excited last night that he could not fall asleep (not usually a problem for him at all) he kept saying I just wish it was morning already.  I put the kid’s clothes out last night, because I know mornings are the worst for me, and I was already not feeling that good.  I got up got them dressed and fed and sent them with daddy.  I went and laid back down in my bed for about three minutes, before I decided that I would not allow lupus to steal this precious time with my family.  I hurried got dressed and was only about 10 minutes late to Rayne’s game/practice (he plays first).  I was very proud of him!  He listened great and hung close to his coach.  He made two goals and only one was for the opposing team.  He is a fast little guy and stayed right on the ball.  Lexy also did wonderful as expected.  She is a good listener and gets along very will with other kids.  She also stayed right on the ball, but was not as quick to take it from another team mate.  She is the tallest one on her team! We came home… did a few chores and worked in the garden a little, and then spent some time licking my wounds.

Playing outside in bubbles

 It is such a strange journey I’m on… on one hand I feel so lucky to live this amazing life of mine, and lupus has helped me appreciate it more!  I have beautiful, colorful, adaptable kids that really just roll with the punches.   My mom is my best friend and I talk to her everyday, and she just lives moments away if I ever need her.  I don’t have to work out of the house, and have the opportunity to raise my children.  Lupus has taught me not to take these things for granted.  I am a lucky girl, yet I am sick so much that it gets me down!  I am constantly reminding myself of my charmed life, but it doesn’t make my illness go away.  I know the only way to get better is to continue exploring all avenues of health, and I plan on doing this…. I guess I am just weary.  Tomorrow will be better, if not the next day will.  It always gets better… it has to get better. 

Tomorrow is my lupus support group and I will be happy to see my lupie sisters. They are always able to help me gain perspective (without even trying). We are gearing up for our walk in a month and are excited about the upcoming activities, we have lots to talk about, and I look forward to all the hugs. For more information on the walk here is the link again (in case you missed it). If anyone is interested in walking or know someone who may want to be a sponsor please let me know, I will be happy to follow up with them.

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1014606&supId=353731936