Sunny Day Lesko-Gary

After a long painful weekend, Rayne and I took Sunny in to the vet this morning to stop his suffering.  As many of you already know he was diagnosed with diabetes several months ago and I had been giving him insulin shots twice a day.  He was doing okay, but never really back to his “normal” self.  Thursday evening he began throwing up but after a call to the vet Friday we chucked it up to a recent change in his diet. By Friday night he totally stopped eating. His condition very quickly took a turn for the worse and Saturday he could just take a few steps and fall.  We did not expect him to survive through the night Saturday.  I spent as much time with him as I could with three kids in the house.  I made him as comfortable as possible and slept with him Sunday night. The kids and I had lots of time to say good-bye, prepared a box and found the perfect spot for him in the garden.  I was hoping that he would peacefully die at home, but he just kept holding on.  So this morning Lexy said her last good-bye and stayed home to help Monty with the baby and Rayne and I took him in.

The vet was expecting us and ready when we got there, before the doctor came in with the medication my dad (I didn't know was coming) came in.  He peacefully went to sleep and did not have to fight to hang on for us any longer.  He gave us the time we needed to say good-bye. We brought him home and prepared him in his box.  Lexy put in the pictures she colored for him, a couple of his toys and one last kiss.  The kids and I walked out to put him in the hole (my neighbor dug for me Saturday) just as my brother pulled up to help burry him. 

Daddy called this afternoon to check on me and I was replaying the chain of event and telling him I just wish I wouldn’t have held on so long I wish I had taken him in on Friday and that I am sorry that he suffered for as long as he did. My dad in all his wisdom told me that the timing was perfect and had I taken him in on Friday I may have always wondered if he would have been able to get better. There is an immense pain and loneliness in making the choice to end the life of something you love so much. My dad is so right and I am thankful for his words and presence that brought me so much comfort today. 

 I rescued Sunny when I came home from collage. He was my first pet when I moved out on my own.  He loved me at my very worst and through some challenging days.Thankfully he never held a grudge about a dirty litter box. He reluctantly accepted my husband and two other cats I drug home.  He fell in love with my daughter (she loved him too) and helped her feel safe and loved at bedtime.  He was entertaining and so colorful.  He preferred women and rarely warmed up to men.  He often sported dreadlocks, had a wide ribcage and a lot of fluff. He only had one ear because he had cancer. He was my perfect companion and there when I needed one the most. I’m gonna miss my boy!!

 

Today I am thankfully for….

12 years with the best cat ever
My dad his wisdom and support
A big brother that is always around the corner
Good neighbors
Sensitive and loving kids
Perfect timing!

 

Costume Fun!

This year the kids and I have decided on an “ocean” theme for their costumes. Rayne wants to be a fisherman, Lexy wants to be a mermaid and Jay will be a fish. Mom and I usually make the costumes from scratch, but this year we will order the bulk of them and add our own embellishments.  

Since we are in the costume groove I thought I would post the kids costumes from the past years.  We usually participate in a local costume contest have never placed below 3^rd and have taken home the first prize once or twice. It’s so fun!   I wish I had some digital pictures of some of the costumes mom and grandma made me and Mike Jr. through the years.

Little Sprout 2007.  Rayne was growing my my belly.

2008 Butterfly and Caterpillar



2009 Flower and Farmer

2010 I was sick so we did a repeat of the flower and farmer.

2011 Recycle Robots!

He's a keeper!

It’s been a while since I updated.  Having an extra little one in the house keeps me busy and with my lupus fighting against me it is taking all of my energy to keep up with them.  The good new is I AM keeping up with them and it’s exactly what I choose and want to do.

Since my last update I have met Jay’s mom.  She cried and was happy to see that her baby was comfortable (and excited) when the kids and I came to pick him up from his visit.  She also questioned me about a few small things.  I felt defensive and annoyed but that’s not really fair.  I have to take a step back and put myself in her shoes.  If my kids were taken away from me and being cared for by a stranger (in foster care none the less) I would be a complete nut job.  She has provided many monetary items for Jay and offers to get anything I need.  She wrote me a personal e-mail to thank me for taking care of him.  Both parents will go to trial and the dad has hired a personal attorney.  The accusations now are that the reason Jay fell was because the dad grabbed the mom’s arm.  Who knows…. I can’t guess how it really went down.  All I have to go by is how the parents have treated me and their baby since he has been in my home.  I have seen nothing but caring, attentive parents.  I have to trust that the truth will come out (it’s on video for goodness sakes) that there was a lesson learned through this process, and that our baby will go where he will be safe and loved.  At this point he will likely go live with his grandparents in Chicago before he is reunited with either of his parents.

I have also accepted to take him as a permanent placement until all this mess is sorted out.  I just ordered him a crib that the agency is funding, so he would not have to move.  He has been in a pack and play but now that he will be staying a while he really needs a better mattress to sleep on. I am still very concerned about the bonds and attachments being formed, but I am trying to go with the flow and stop letting fear keep me from really listening to my heart.

Lexy and Rayne have started a new soccer season with a new league.  I had concerns when we started that it might be more competitive than we were looking for.  They actually keep score and have a tournament at the end.  Both kids have great coaches and they are learning a lot about the game, but their main goal is to have fun.  I’m not sure I will ever fit the “soccer mom” mold, but I will support and encourage them in whatever their interests are. Rayne scored four goals today and three of them where in the right goal.  Lexy has learned her position and stayed attentive and in the game except for when she was chasing the occasional passing dragonfly.  They are growing up so fast!!

Both kids say things daily that I think I should write down and keep in a scrapbook.  The best one came from Rayne this week we were talking about when they were babies.  I was telling Rayne that he was already walking when he was Jay’s age and he was asking other questions about what he ate and so on…. Then he asked “Mama was I brown when I was a baby?” I had to hold in my chuckle and of course told him that boys and girls pretty much stay the same color they come out.  The last several babies we have had have been sweet little boys of color and I love that Rayne views himself exactly the same as them.  Children are so honest and pure!!  I love that my kids have not been tainted by society, that I have had the privilege to keep them home and teach them.  How is it that of all the children in the world I got the best ones?
 

Tough decisions

The frustration of the system continues…  The report I got from court on Tuesday was that the state’s attorney debated with the case worker about if the dad should be able to get custody of him… this makes no sense because they are suppose to be working together. Again no assignments were given in order for him to get his baby back.  He was NOT the offending parent has never had issues of domestic violence and only has one small unrelated charge more than 5 years ago.  He has been compliant and even proactive in completing tasks that have not even been assigned yet.  He has a great job and a new apartment.

The judge did order each parent 2 visits a week for 2 hours, that totals 8 hours of visit for a 9 month old baby that doesn’t include the almost hour travel time each way.  Today was the first day of the longer visit time and it was exhausting for everyone.  Since it is an overwhelming task for the case worker to complete each week I offered to drive Jay to his visit and meet his dad.  It took me almost an hour to get there in the rain and traffic and then the same on the way home. 

His dad was nice and clearly loves his baby.  He was quiet but it’s kind of an awkward position he is in, so I understand. I dream of hugs and one big happy family after all we all love the baby.   I just hope he understands that I am objective and want the best for all of them and honestly at this point I am on their team.  I know the system is not always fair and kids fall through the cracks but sometimes the parents don’t get a fair shake either.

No doubt Jay’s mom made a very bad choice at the time he was taken into care, but I have to tell you she is the most attentive and in tune bio-mom I have ever dealt with.  She brings formula every time (even a pack of diapers today) and asks if there is anything I need.  She was worried about the length of his visit today and how exhausting is was for him.  She clearly loves her baby.  She shows concern about his well being and has put his needs before hers during challenging time. I still think she needs to get help with her anger, but at this point I believe she is capable of fixing this mess.  

So all this leaves me to figure out what is best for not only him but my family.  The home study on his grandparents could take more than a month to get back because it is out of state.  He has a great case worker and she is working hard to get permanency for him as quickly as possible.  I don’t worry about being able to take care of him for however long it takes. I just worry about the kids and me getting too attached. We are so in love with him already. Rayne was upset today when we left him at the visit because he thought he was not coming back.  This will be our longest placement since Lexy. The difference is this time I know it is only temporary, so hopefully it will be easier.  I just don’t want to cause my kids any heartache. 

 

So for now he will remain a member of our family and we will continue to love him for as long as he is here.