Tough decisions

The frustration of the system continues…  The report I got from court on Tuesday was that the state’s attorney debated with the case worker about if the dad should be able to get custody of him… this makes no sense because they are suppose to be working together. Again no assignments were given in order for him to get his baby back.  He was NOT the offending parent has never had issues of domestic violence and only has one small unrelated charge more than 5 years ago.  He has been compliant and even proactive in completing tasks that have not even been assigned yet.  He has a great job and a new apartment.

The judge did order each parent 2 visits a week for 2 hours, that totals 8 hours of visit for a 9 month old baby that doesn’t include the almost hour travel time each way.  Today was the first day of the longer visit time and it was exhausting for everyone.  Since it is an overwhelming task for the case worker to complete each week I offered to drive Jay to his visit and meet his dad.  It took me almost an hour to get there in the rain and traffic and then the same on the way home. 

His dad was nice and clearly loves his baby.  He was quiet but it’s kind of an awkward position he is in, so I understand. I dream of hugs and one big happy family after all we all love the baby.   I just hope he understands that I am objective and want the best for all of them and honestly at this point I am on their team.  I know the system is not always fair and kids fall through the cracks but sometimes the parents don’t get a fair shake either.

No doubt Jay’s mom made a very bad choice at the time he was taken into care, but I have to tell you she is the most attentive and in tune bio-mom I have ever dealt with.  She brings formula every time (even a pack of diapers today) and asks if there is anything I need.  She was worried about the length of his visit today and how exhausting is was for him.  She clearly loves her baby.  She shows concern about his well being and has put his needs before hers during challenging time. I still think she needs to get help with her anger, but at this point I believe she is capable of fixing this mess.  

So all this leaves me to figure out what is best for not only him but my family.  The home study on his grandparents could take more than a month to get back because it is out of state.  He has a great case worker and she is working hard to get permanency for him as quickly as possible.  I don’t worry about being able to take care of him for however long it takes. I just worry about the kids and me getting too attached. We are so in love with him already. Rayne was upset today when we left him at the visit because he thought he was not coming back.  This will be our longest placement since Lexy. The difference is this time I know it is only temporary, so hopefully it will be easier.  I just don’t want to cause my kids any heartache. 

 

So for now he will remain a member of our family and we will continue to love him for as long as he is here.