2011 Christmas letter

This year has brought many joys and a few challenges for our family. Rayne turned 3 at the beginning of the year he is still so busy, confident and challenging. He is also affectionate, smart, and the most handsome little boy ever. He learns quickly and has become quite self sufficient.

Lexy is doing well homeschooling. We are using an online curriculum that she really enjoys, and it helps me keep track of her records electronically. We have a very relaxed schedule that works well for her and our family. She continues to receive speech and occupational therapy, and is learning to read. She is a Daisy in girl scouts, and is as sweet as ever. Sometimes I can’t believe we don’t share the same DNA, because she is a perfect fit in our family. Our kids make us very proud.

I have spent much of the past year(s) sick and not knowing why. After many doctors’ appointment and tests I was finally diagnosed with lupus. I am still learning to manage the disease and trying to get on the right medication. I am not there yet, but hopeful now that I have a diagnosis I will get a system that is able to manage my pain and symptoms, and will return to my “normal”. On the up side lupus has been a reality check and forced me to slow down, prioritize, and be thankful.

We are going into our 5th year of being foster parents. Due to my illness we have only taken a few short term emergency placements, but they have all been special and I know they came to our home for a reason. The cases are sad, and I enjoying providing as much love and “stuff” I can give them on their short stays with us. Meanwhile we have a teenage neighbor girl that spends much of her time at our house. She comes from a broken home and also has a sad story. She is a helpful, good kid and keeps my bleeding heart distracted.

Gary Consulting is busy as ever, and we do not take it for granted. Monty has a great group of clients, lots of whom he has worked with for many years. Their businesses continue to grow, so does ours and we are grateful!

We are still enjoying our camper, and attending music festivals. Though we have been faced with some challenges this year, we are blessed.

Merry Christmas!!
Love and peace,
Amanda (Monty, Alexis, and Rayne) Gary

Celebrating Lexy Rose

Last Friday was National Adoption day, and I have been doing lots of reflection on my sweet daughter. Three years ago tomorrow on National Adoption day Lexy was made a forever member of our family. Lexy has birthdays, the day she was placed in our home and adoption day, and it is so fitting that she has so many “days” to remind me how special she is and how blessed we are.

She is beautiful, kind, sensitive, and loving. Seeing her everyday, I forget how much she has grown and learned since her placement. At 19 months old she did not talk, she made noises and gestures….. now she is learning to read. The first year and a half of her life was tough and I am sure she endured more hate and pain than any child should. We only know bits and pieces and the incident that placed her in our home. She came out of her painful beginning only knowing how to love (and eat). She has a bigger heart that anyone I know. She loves and accepts everyone just the way they are. She is not deterred by appearances. She sings from her heart her own songs she makes up about loving everyone without concern if she is on key. She is sensitive and aware of everyone’s feelings around her and she tries to ensure everyone is happy and feeling good. How lucky am I to be her mom!! She has taught me so much more that I will ever be able to teach her. I love you Alexis Rose Gary and am proud to be your mom.

Slow and steady

We did decide at the last minute to go camping at the Riverhawk music festival, and had a fun weekend. I came home feeling a little run down, but not nearly as bad as I have in the past. I am finally beginning to feel better. The higher dose of medication made me feel yucky at first, but I think I am getting past the side effects and it is helping me. I have a busy week getting ready for a trip to Georgia to visit Monty’s family for Thanksgiving (that includes Christmas and family pictures with them). I also have a lot of domestic chores to catch up on since I have been sick for so long. Just cleaning the house brings me joy and accomplishment today. I hope I can get it all done :)

I don’t love lupus yet, but I no longer despise it. At this moment I am not afraid! Lupus is forcing me to slow down and prioritize things that are important. These are all steps in my journey and I am happy to be moving again.

Love!!

Blessing in disguise

I was very bummed when I found out I did not qualify for the study, but it is really a good thing. My lupus is not active enough now to qualify and this is wonderful news. It means at this time there is little threat to my organs. On the down side the lower numbers do not affect how sick I feel, we will not be getting the financial help and access to the study staff. My doctor doubled the anti malaria medication I am on and gave me something else to help the pain (that cost $250 with insurance) ugh! She will recheck my labs in 3 month with hopes that it is not progressing. I asked a lot of question and only got a few answers, but it is because there really aren’t answers. With that being said they are making huge strides in understanding and treating lupus. There is hope and I do have some peace with my disease (today anyway:))…. Not loving it yet, but I will get there.

Though terribly disappointed about having to cancel our camping trip…. I am still thankful! I have an amazing, friend going to help with homeschooling Lexy until I begin feeling better. I am so appreciative of all the love that I have been shown to my family. For now my numbers are low, my kids are healthy, my husband has work, and I am grateful!! I am reminded daily that it could be worse, that families are struggling with much bigger thing than I am.

Everything happens for a reason.... Right?

So the kids have been super excited about Halloween and their robot costumes that we have been planning for a month. Friday we gathered all our junk and put together some pretty cute (if I must say so myself) recycled robots. The kids took third place in a local costume contest. The events were fun though crippling for me. Lupus has the ability (no matter how hard I try) to seal the joys of life and motherhood. I haven’t learned how to stop this yet. So needless to say I have physically suffered for my efforts.

I called the study doctor this afternoon and found out that I did not qualify for the study due to the results of my blood work. I can’t pretend I am not incredible disappointed. The study was a little light at the end of the tunnel and has just gone out. There is a stage 2 study that starts in December that could still be an option, but as the numbers go down the risks go up. I have a follow up doctor’s appointment on Thursday.

Love!!

Seeking balance

We all have eye opening (life changing) events that happen in our life.… well lupus (not by choice) has become one of mine and has lead me to a new journey of self discovery and health. I am starting to realize that I have to understand, accept and even love my disease in order to heal, I am not there yet!! It’s a process, but at least I know what needs to be done. I have just started reiki, beginning to make meditation, and visualization a daily priority… sprinkled with some cognitive therapy and dietary changes. I will still continue to peruse the medication study in hopes to be accepted, but am quickly learning the importance of emotional, spiritual and mental health as well. I am reaching out to other professionals in holistic treatment to help me reach a balance in treatment and in life. Monty and I are taking baby steps towards a major dietary change and are seriously looking at the macrobiotic diet. I have expressed how lonely lupus is, but in reality I am not alone on this journey. I am grateful for all of the love and support that I am blessed with. I continue to welcome any ideas, feed back, or referrals to resources that may be helpful. I have already received so much guidence from my family and friends… that has helped me get to this place. I plan on continuing to share my story in hopes that it may help someone else. We are all connected, but I am finding that opening ourselves up, helps us better feel those connections. It is much easier for me to share the pretty uplifting parts of my story (my life), but I am also discovering that it is therapeutic for me (and hopefully helpful to others) to be honest and real about my weaknesses and challenges. So here we go….

I am limited to what herbal supplements I am able to take due to qualifying for the study, but beyond that I am pretty open :)

P.S. I also still have family blog plans, so I have a more appropriate place to share our stories.

Roller coaster

Since my lupus diagnoses I have had quite a ride. Being sick for so long my initial reaction was relief almost happy (sounds crazy I know). I was almost convinced that it was all in my head, and believed that is what everyone else thought. I accepted the diagnosis and began taking an anti-malaria drug exactly as prescribed and completely expected to come home and begin feeling better. I just wanted to go back to my “normal”.

Well it hasn’t exactly worked out as I planned. I have only been getting sicker, more afraid and angry. I constantly run a fever, migraines, aches, pains, dizziness, hives, joint chest and stomach pain just touches the surface of my daily struggles. Along with all this, there is this constant nagging worry that it is damaging my organs. It is an indescribable feeling of having your body battle itself. I feel more isolated and alone than I ever have in my life. I have started to meet people that are lupie too, in hopes that these connections will help me feel not so alone in this struggle. I know it sounds so selfish (I know it could be worse) but this is not my cause. This is not what I want to deal with on a daily basis, not what I want to spend my time and energy learning about. I had a different calling, a different purpose and path. It has been explained to me that there are stages of emotions you go through after a diagnosis of a chronic illness…. Clearly I am still stuck in denial and anger. Hope it passes quickly!

Now about the study drug: Since my condition is getting worse my doctor (that I still love) suggested that I apply to try a new study drug. Reading the drug the side effects scared me, but so does the disease. Mom and I attended my first appointment and thankfully found hope and encouragement. The drug is an injectable immune suppressor, but it is more targeted at lupus. I am still in the beginning stages of qualifying and hopeful that I get accepted. The study can last 2 years and I have a 2/3 (that’s better than not) chance of actually getting the medication, and there is an extended study that can last up to 6 years. I can continue with the anti-malaria medication I have already started. This is all good news!! The last drug approved for lupus was in the 50’s (besides Benlysta that costs $36,000 a year and was just approved weeks ago) and it is the anti-malaria drug I am on. The other major benefits of being in the study are having all labs, medications and dr. appointments covered. Our family is in a scary time with our health insurance or lack of right now, so all that is huge. I will also have an extra doctor watching my condition. The nurse that is in charge of the study and kind, understanding and available!! The drugs that are on the horizon are more specific to lupus and autoimmune diseases. They are just making some new ground in these medication and I am hopeful to be apart of it.
I draw strength from the love, prayers, thoughts, notes, and energy being sent my way. I know I am blessed and hope to be back in the light soon.

my health update...

This is way too much information for most, but an easy way to inform my family and friends that have been following my health stuff....
I just got back from seeing my rheumatologist (that I LOVE). My blood work has changed from the last time I saw her, and my ANA (anti-nuclear antibody) came back positive. With all of my other labs and symptoms she was finally able to diagnose me with Lupus (connective tissue disorder). Though I feel worried (and a little like the wind was knocked out of me), I also feel hopeful, I finally have a name and course of treatment to help give me some relief. The other good news is she does not believe it has caused any organ damage so far. My plan is to be informed, stay positive, get treatment and FEEL BETTER!! I will start medication right away and be monitored closely by my Dr. Thanks for all of the notes and love and encouragement!!

Lexy's story (I shared for the GAL program)

I worked in the system of care with abused children, and parents that required supervised visitation with their kids due to their troubles, for 10 years before my husband and I became foster parents. I thought I was informed, but it wasn’t until the placement of our severely abused foster daughter that I discovered how much I had to learn. During this time I was introduced to a very important person in the lives of our children in care. Tons of people evaluated, looked at, talked to, worked for and on Alexis’ case, but it was undoubtedly her Guardian ad Litem (a volunteer position ) that was most dedicated and worked the hardest to find out what was truly best for her. Before our personal journey I knew very little about the program, but through our process I learned they are really the silent heroes, working for a population of youth that can’t speak for themselves. I can take you back to the day we got the call, and tell you little of our story…it was April 1 2007…..we received a call from our agency telling us that we were licensed, and asking if we were willing to take in a 19 month old little girl. She was being released from a week in the hospital due to abuse. Of course we jumped at the opportunity to care for her. Our worker warned us that she was pretty beaten up, so we would be “prepared” when she arrived. Nothing could have prepared us for the way she looked when she came to our home. She had multiple skull fractures, two black eyes, bruising all around her neck and cheeks, and most of her hair had been pulled out. She was skinny and pale, but she came into our home with a huge smile, laughing, hugging and trusting. She was assigned a case worker (we had 3 of those, before she was adopted), a child protection investigator, a behavioral specialist, and our family development specialist….just off the top of my head. Many of them were kind and helpful, but Lexy’s guardian was the ONLY worker that was with her from the very beginning until the day of adoption. Kathryn St. Clair was Alexis’s Guardian ad Litem (or what I like to call her Guardian Angel). Kathryn is a retired CEO of a non-profit who lives in Sun City Center. She devotes much of her time to volunteer organizations, one of those thankfully being the GAL program. Kathryn visited our house monthly, occasionally unannounced, to talk with us and check on Lexy’s progress. She would tour our home for safety and assure Lexy had everything she needed to thrive. This was our first foster child; we would not even have known that we were allowed to go to the court hearings if Kathryn had not encouraged us to so we could stay informed to better care for Alexis. It also helped the judge see our dedication to her.


Alexis’s mom was charged with the abuse and signed surrenders of her maternal rights. Her case went to trial and she spent 2 years in prison and is now serving 5 years of probation. Lexy has a maternal sister that was taken in by her paternal grandmother, but since she was not related to Alexis she was not willing to take her too. Her father has a total of 4 children with 3 different women. One had already been adopted, two live with their mother (that he was not paying child support for) and then there was Lexy. At the time Alexis was taken, he was unemployed and living with a friend. He was given a case plan to work to get custody of her, which consisted of only 6 months of stable housing and employment. At that time he also told the case worker that his parents were willing to take Alexis, but the case worker got little response from them. Kathryn heard this and took the 40 mile drive to the grandparent’s home right away. They expressed concern for her and wanted to assure she was safe and loved (they were understandably scared of the foster care system), but did not really want to start over with a 2 year old. They had raised 16 children between them and were overwhelmed at the thought of starting over. Kathryn assured them that Lexy was in a safe home. She reported her finding to the case worker which continued on with their home study for placement. She also shared with us about her visit, and their willingness to meet us. I set up a meeting right away (against the case workers advice) so they could get acquainted with us, see our home and know that their granddaughter was loved and cared for. Our meeting went great they seemed relieved that she was safe and happy. They contacted the case worker and let her know that as long as Lexy stayed in our home they would not be interested in taking custody. Lexy’s father’s time finally ran out and his rights were terminated. On November 23, 2008 national adoption day, sitting beside Kathryn (her guardian angel) Lexy was made a forever member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind that Lexy’s story could have ended quite differently had she not had Kathryn, her Guardian ad Litem advocating for her.