When it rains it pours…

Last week I was in a car accident.  Rayne and I were heading over to my mom’s house to take care of their kitty while they were in Pine Island.  When we went through an intersection a pick up truck turned into our car at a high rate of speed.  The man driving did not have a driver’s license and his insurance may or not be valid.  Since it was just before the holiday his insurance company is on vacation and will not return until tomorrow.  My car likely will be a total loss and there is a chance that we will not be covered.  Rayne is totally fine and I had a few days being very sore but thankfully neither of us were really hurt and I have a rental car right now.

 I have not been feeling well again and I saw my rheumatologist. I have stomach ulcers again due to the medication I take for my lupus so they are treating them with new medications and have lowered my plaquenil (anti-malaria that treats lupus) in an effort to get my stomach healed.  She was also concerned with my iron levels so she ordered some more labs and sent me to a hematologist that I saw today.  My ferritin iron level was 4, she said seriously low is 10 and normal is 40-300.  She said all my efforts in trying to eat more iron would not be able to combat how low my numbers are.  She is suggesting an iron infusion.  Unfortunately it is a pricey procedure and I will likely need more than one.  Due to the recent costs of the accident I am not sure how we are going to afford it all.  Monty just reassures me that it will work out, but I am very worried.

 To top it off the little health insurance we have has lost the contract to baycare (which is ALL of our local hospitals) when I called them today they did not have a solution so we have NO hospital coverage.  I called several other insurance companies but due to my lupus and Monty’s pre-existing condition no one else will cover us individually.  We are getting some quotes for small group coverage with Gary Consulting, but it is going to be very expensive.  Again I find myself weary and just putting one foot in front of the other…. but I AM still moving!  Thank God!!

Grandma and Grandpa and their grandbabies <

The kids got matching (twins) baby dolls for Christmas….. Lexy said “placement must have called Santa and told him to find a good home for these babies.”

Decorating the tree

Santa Came

 On a positive note we had a great Christmas.  We were all together we shared lots of love and received lots gifts.  I had good intentions of cutting back but we were all spoiled.  Though I have been feeling overwhelmed lately I do know that I am blessed.  The financial and health challenges that I am facing does not compare to what many others are dealing with. 

Christmas Letter 2012

Dear loved ones,

We have had another busy year here in the Gary house!!

Rayne brings in the year with a birthday, this year he turned 4.  He played a season of t-ball but has decided that soccer is his favorite right now.  He is quite the athlete (not sure where he get it from) and is competitive and fast.  He lacks no confidence and rarely stops moving, talking, flipping, jumping, or asking questions.  He loves being a big brother to our foster babies and takes his job very seriously.

I continue to homeschool Lexy. We love our flexible schedule and the freedom of allowing her to be a kid.  She started 1^st grade in virtual school with the county this year and likes doing her work most days.  She is creative and enjoys writing and drawing.  She also participated in soccer and t-ball but has decided she would rather be a ballerina.  She turned 7 in August and continues to see a weekly speech and occupational therapist.  She also loves being a big sister and begs to take every child that placement calls about.  She is hoping the next call will be a little girl, since we had all boys this year.

In May I participated in my first every lupus walk and with the support of my family and friends raised more than $1000, but the most valuable part for me was the reminder of how much love and support I have. I was overwhelmed and grateful!!  There have been some improvements, though lupus continues to challenge me and our family plans.  I haven’t given up on a complete remission.  I continue to work towards a healthy diet and lifestyle for all of us.  I have big plans for our organic garden in the spring and intend to feel well enough to follow them through.

We have had an active year fostering.  Though our home is still considered a short term emergency home, it is difficult for me to let our babies leave until I find peace with where they are going.  The system continues to disappoint me, but there are rays of light among the chaos and I try to focus on those.  The children are precious and worth every bit of the time we put in to try and ensure their well being.

The end of the year brought sadness in the loss of our sweet Sunny.  He was my first cat when moving out on my own and had won the hearts of Monty and the kids.  He was 12 years old and was a great companion for many years.  We miss him a lot!

Gary Consulting is staying busy and I am thankful that is still gives me the opportunity to stay home with the kids.  We haven’t used our camper much this year but already have plans for a trip in 2013.

Merry Christmas!!

Peace and Love, Amanda (Monty, Alexis and Rayne)

 

 

Family Pictures 2012

 

My sweet and talented friend Amy Roberts took family pictures for us at the end of the year for our Christmas card.  It was our first time as a family having our pictures made.  It was a wonderful experience and I think they turned out great!

 

Check her our at http://www.abandonphotography.com/

She is affordable, flexible, talented and sweet.

 

 

Our ripples are making waves...

The season is upon us and it does it get busy fast.  I can’t believe it has been two weeks since I have posted an update.  Since our sweet foster baby went home I have kept in touch with his dad and even babysat him last weekend. He seems well adjusted and he is right where he needs to be with his daddy.  It I'm honest it was fun having him for the weekend and it was also good to take him home where I know he is save and loved.  After just a weekend with him I wondered how I got anything done with the extra baby in the house.  I am trying to take off fostering for the holiday season.  I have asked to only be called for emergency placements until the first of the year. I don’t take my name completely off because I can’t stand the thought of kids being stuck in the sheriff’s office during Christmas and unfortunately this is a busy time for foster care.  I just pray (for the children’s sake) they don’t need me.

As I shared in my last post the kids and I (and another homeschooling/foster mom friend) started a “little” Random Acts of Kindness project.  We have a long list that grows everyday of kind acts we can do for friends and strangers.  On a whim I created a facebook event to share in hopes that others would join us.  I have been blown away by the response!!  My friend Melissa and I had no idea that our little family projects would begin this small movement.  We have almost 1,200 people that have committed to completing kindness acts on 12-12-12.  The coolest part of it is all to me is that it started a conversation.  People are talking sharing ideas and excited about it.  People have asked that we extend and make it a year round project.  So we started a year round kindness page called Living Stones..... Making a ripple with love and kindness.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/LivingStonesMakingARippleWithLoveAndKindness

As many of you know we started this project to teach our children by example and hands on activities to be kind and love others.  I could share tons of stories on how my family has been blessed these last several days.  We have had homeless people tell us they love us, hugs from strangers, happy dances for volunteers at the foster parent association, a cash donation from a stranger (we passed along to a family that needed a little help over Christmas) and lots joy in our hearts from things we do anonymously.  We went out to make a small change in the world and ended up having a huge change in our own hearts. 

If you want to join our little movement…  Join our event on facebook or like our page.  Please don’t misunderstand I do not assume that you are unkind…..I know most of the people that follow my blog are personal friends and family and are kind by nature.  This is just a reminder to start the conversation and spread love everywhere you go.  It could change the world and possibly (like our family) change your own heart..

 

Ripple this holiday

So I am embarrassed to admit it but I have been dreading the holiday season.  Don’t get me wrong I love the time with my family and the joy it brings my children, but I even worry about how healthy it is for them to have and get so much “stuff”. .So with some soul searching, a little help from the internet and a very close mama friend we have a special plan to make Christmas more personal and less commercial.  We are going to focus on giving love instead of receiving stuff.   For the month of December we will complete as many random acts of kindness (love) as possible and document our progress.  We even have a play/kindness date planned on 12-12-12 where together with our friends we will complete 12 acts on one day.  How fun is that!!  Here is the beginning of our list that is growing by the moment.

v      Mail carrier homemade gift/card (fast food card lunch is on us today)

v      Trash man homemade gift/card (fast food card lunch is on us today)

v      Leave quarters on a soda/snack machine with a note

v      A dollar in the dollar store toy section with a note

v      Gather the grocery carts and return them in the store

v      Leave diaper and wipes on a public changing table

v      Care packs for the homeless

v      Clean out toys and donate to charity

v      Clean out clothes and donate to charity

v      Pick up trash

v      Send a thank you letter to a solider

v      Help someone load their groceries in the car

v      Visit a nursing home with lots of hugs

v      Take canned goods to a food bank

v      Collect coins and give to charity

v      Hold the door for someone

v      Leave coins at a laundry mat with a note that says laundry is on us today

v      Write 5 things you like about someone and give it to them

v      Make daddy breakfast in bed

v      Allow someone behind you in line to go ahead of you

v      Place a note on someone’s windshield

v      Take old towels and pet food to an animal shelter

v      Smile and speak to 10 strangers

v      Sweep a neighbors sidewalk

v      Leave candy and a note on a stranger’s door

v      Give bags of microwave popcorn to people in line for redbox

v      Quarters on gumball machines

v      Gatorade to construction/outside workers

v      Shop for stockings for needy kids. (have stockings one for boy and one for girl)

v      Return neighbors trash cans after trash day

v      Tape lottery tickets to gas pumps

v      Hide notes/gifts on a playground for children to find

v     Put change in meters (the courthouse/downtown would be a good place for this)

v      Buy flowers and after paying for them hand them to the cashier and say thank you

v      Bring hot chocolate/coffee to bell ringers

v      Take cookies to the kid’s doctor’s offices and thank them for caring for them all year

We will include a note of love and a rock in the ones we can and visualize a ripple effect. I know a few of the items we will still have to buy “stuff” but it will be in the spirit of giving and minimal.  We will reuse and recycle as much as we can.  The Christmas gifts we give this year we will work to make very personal and give with our hearts since we are limited on money anyway :).  I think these are good habits to teach our kids all year around.  We will not need an “Elf on the Shelf” in our house either.  I prefer my kids to be guided by their hearts and learn to listen to their conscience not behave because a plastic doll is watching them.

A ripple is an amazing part of nature. A rock causes a huge splash at the beginning. There is a middle where the circle is perfect. Then the tiny ripples go out from there. It is a perfect symbol of love and kindness.

 

 

 

The cure for anything is salt water.....

I took Jay to live with his dad on Friday.  His reunification was delayed several times due to “drama”.  I will spare you the details, but I can tell you I no longer think his mother has his best interest at heart.  I believe she is capable of being a good mom and I wish she would.  Friday I went through the painful process of packing him to go home.  I ended up with 8 very large shopping bags overflowing with stuff and had enough formula to last him way past his first birthday.  I received an e-mail from his dad Saturday morning thanking me for everything and telling me that I would always be Jayden’s mom, I could pick him up anytime and stay in his life forever.  This brings me so much comfort… of course I am thrilled to keep in touch with my little man, but mostly because his dad trusts me!  He felt my genuine love for his baby and for this I am thankful.

My mind drifts to him often, wondering if his cold is better and how his first day at daycare was.  I want his teacher to know how snuggly he is and that he loves to dance.  I know he is okay, and I know he is where he should be.  I just miss him.  The kids are handling it amazingly as usual.  They completely loved him and accepted him as a brother the first day he arrived.  Yet they understand that it was time for him to leave..  I got Jay an amber necklace to help with his teething, Rayne had one like it….. Rayne has not taken his off since I put it on Jay.  We all have our own ways of coping and we are!  Being a foster family is not for the weak at heart let me tell you… my kids got this!!   They are loving, accepting and so strong.  They understand our commitment and help me keep perspective.

Saturday after soccer my mom wanted to take the kids fishing.  Honestly I am not a big fan of fishing even though I grew up doing it.  Don’t get me wrong I do love the water, boating, the beach, picking up shells, and swimming.  So we went to the marina where dad has one of his offices and fished off the docks.  Grandma and the kids caught 12 fish all different sizes and kinds.  It was so much fun!!  Lexy caught several fish then found joy in playing in the bait bucket, feeding birds and gathering shells.  Rayne stayed focused and refused to reel his line in until there was a fish on it.  It was just the distraction we all needed.  Thanks Grandma!! 

Little red snapper



Sting ray

 

grunt



grunt




sheephead



Lady fish



Big black drum



Little red fish

Court today

I am so glad I was able to attend court today.  All parties were present and everyone (except the state’s attorney) was still pretty much in agreement with reunification with dad.  The case was presented before the judge and the state’s attorney stated her case against the dad.  They were scheduling the hearing for next month when the case worker spoke up and said we are recommending reunification with the father.  Everyone stopped in their tracks.  She explained that he was a fit parent and pointed to me and explained that I was willing to be a support to him.  The judge made lots of eye contact and nonverbal communication with me and baby Jay.  I gave as many signs of approval and support I could. I finally spoke up and said I believe him to be a good father and see no reason that he should not have his baby.  So she ordered that the state (as they see fit) to reunify baby Jay with his daddy.  As everyone in the court room stood up Jay shouted “yeah” everyone laughed and even though know he did not know what he was doing…. it was all the sign I needed that the right decision for our baby.

 The mom on the other has not completed any of her case plan (the dad has done everything asked of him and more) because her attorney advised her not to, but today she was fighting with her attorney.  She was angry and short with the judge.  All I have seen from her is anger and resentment.  I just want to shake her and say wake up!!  Let go of the hate and get your baby back.  I believe she can be a good mom.

The judge made the father swear that he would not allow the mother to have any contact with Jay. She firmly told him that if he went against this order that Jay would be taken away again and it would be harder for him to get his baby back next time.  The worker on the case only lives 5 minutes away from the dad and said she will be doing unannounced visits. I am not sure if they will be compliant with the judge’s orders. The worker knows that if he returns to care we will take him back.

The case workers supervisor thanked me for coming and told me it made all the difference me being there.  She said it is rare for all parties to be there and on the same page.  To give our family time to say good-by and get his things together she offered to give us until Friday, but the dad came over and said sometime next week would be good, that way he will have time to get daycare set up for him.  I could see in his eyes that he was just trying to give us a little more time. 

I can’t say it is easy and we are not going to miss this little guy so much but I feel confident that the right decision has been made in his behalf.  We get to love on him one more week and I am grateful. 

My adorable salty crew!

We had a fantastic Halloween.  We participated in local trunks of treats, went to the pumpkin patch, carved pumpkins and went trick or treating.  

Pre-trial for baby

Jay’s family has pre-trial tomorrow.  It has been a crazy and complicated case and the system is not making it any easier.  The criminal case on the mom and the no contact order between the parents have both been dropped.  Everyone (except the state’s attorney) is in favor of his dad getting custody of him… yesterday.  He was in no way an offender (if anything a victim) and there has been no assignments given for him to complete in order to get his son back.  Me, the case worker, the GAL, and his assessment are all in favor of his father getting custody.  Here is where it gets complicated no one (except maybe me) is in favor of mom getting him back until she completes some anger management classes and a few other evaluations to make sure she will not put him in danger again.  They have ordered marital counseling and the parents are “dating” again, yet the mom will likely not be able to have contact with the baby.   They have just moved here and don’t have a family support system. The worker has been very clear with Jay’s dad (if he gets him back) if the mother is caught in the home he will be taken away again and it will be much harder for him to get him back next time…. like it has been easy this time.

I personally wish the mom would have acted a little more humble and not minimized her actions that caused him to be hurt BUT she is a good mom and loves her son and it was an accident.  My hope is that him being taken away was enough of a wake up call and with counseling maybe they can be a family again. I don’t have the answers all I know is that I want this sweet baby to have love, safety and permanency.  My heart is telling me that his parents can give him that.

He has grandparents in Chicago that could likely get custody (if the parents don’t) but it would be another move with essentially strangers, and would end the visits with his parents.  Not a great option for Jay and could cause long term attachment issues for him to make another move.  No one other than the parents would really be in favor of this move, but because they are relatives it could likely still happen.

Court is at 9 am but there are 15 cases on the docket in this time slot.  Lexy, Jayden and I will attend.  I hope to be a support to this family and a voice for all of our baby. 

 

 

Sunny Day Lesko-Gary

After a long painful weekend, Rayne and I took Sunny in to the vet this morning to stop his suffering.  As many of you already know he was diagnosed with diabetes several months ago and I had been giving him insulin shots twice a day.  He was doing okay, but never really back to his “normal” self.  Thursday evening he began throwing up but after a call to the vet Friday we chucked it up to a recent change in his diet. By Friday night he totally stopped eating. His condition very quickly took a turn for the worse and Saturday he could just take a few steps and fall.  We did not expect him to survive through the night Saturday.  I spent as much time with him as I could with three kids in the house.  I made him as comfortable as possible and slept with him Sunday night. The kids and I had lots of time to say good-bye, prepared a box and found the perfect spot for him in the garden.  I was hoping that he would peacefully die at home, but he just kept holding on.  So this morning Lexy said her last good-bye and stayed home to help Monty with the baby and Rayne and I took him in.

The vet was expecting us and ready when we got there, before the doctor came in with the medication my dad (I didn't know was coming) came in.  He peacefully went to sleep and did not have to fight to hang on for us any longer.  He gave us the time we needed to say good-bye. We brought him home and prepared him in his box.  Lexy put in the pictures she colored for him, a couple of his toys and one last kiss.  The kids and I walked out to put him in the hole (my neighbor dug for me Saturday) just as my brother pulled up to help burry him. 

Daddy called this afternoon to check on me and I was replaying the chain of event and telling him I just wish I wouldn’t have held on so long I wish I had taken him in on Friday and that I am sorry that he suffered for as long as he did. My dad in all his wisdom told me that the timing was perfect and had I taken him in on Friday I may have always wondered if he would have been able to get better. There is an immense pain and loneliness in making the choice to end the life of something you love so much. My dad is so right and I am thankful for his words and presence that brought me so much comfort today. 

 I rescued Sunny when I came home from collage. He was my first pet when I moved out on my own.  He loved me at my very worst and through some challenging days.Thankfully he never held a grudge about a dirty litter box. He reluctantly accepted my husband and two other cats I drug home.  He fell in love with my daughter (she loved him too) and helped her feel safe and loved at bedtime.  He was entertaining and so colorful.  He preferred women and rarely warmed up to men.  He often sported dreadlocks, had a wide ribcage and a lot of fluff. He only had one ear because he had cancer. He was my perfect companion and there when I needed one the most. I’m gonna miss my boy!!

 

Today I am thankfully for….

12 years with the best cat ever
My dad his wisdom and support
A big brother that is always around the corner
Good neighbors
Sensitive and loving kids
Perfect timing!

 

Costume Fun!

This year the kids and I have decided on an “ocean” theme for their costumes. Rayne wants to be a fisherman, Lexy wants to be a mermaid and Jay will be a fish. Mom and I usually make the costumes from scratch, but this year we will order the bulk of them and add our own embellishments.  

Since we are in the costume groove I thought I would post the kids costumes from the past years.  We usually participate in a local costume contest have never placed below 3^rd and have taken home the first prize once or twice. It’s so fun!   I wish I had some digital pictures of some of the costumes mom and grandma made me and Mike Jr. through the years.

Little Sprout 2007.  Rayne was growing my my belly.

2008 Butterfly and Caterpillar



2009 Flower and Farmer

2010 I was sick so we did a repeat of the flower and farmer.

2011 Recycle Robots!